For fear of overwhelming people but mostly having people doubt me I have never been very open about my problems. I think slowly I will begin to unravel myself but I have a natural tendency to minimize what I’ve been through and what I’m going through. It always seems so trite when you hear people say it’s hard to be open then the next moment they are spilling their guts. (That sounds very offensive.)
I always encourage people to talk especially about mental illness. It is cathartic and therapeutic but I will not lie, at times it feels almost invasive. Y’know the whole letting other people in.
Here’s what I want to communicate; fear of being judged, fear of rejection and fear of being criticized aren’t easy things to overcome. By now it should be pretty clear how insecure I am.
I started this blog in 2015 and originally it was for my ED then shortly thereafter I was diagnosed Bipolar II. So here we are. More than anything I am writing this because I want everyone to know it has taken me a long time to get to this point. I am still not one for openly discussing my problems, this blog being the exception.
I want you to know that you can help to spread mental health awareness and you can be open but I also want you to know that it is okay to keep some things to yourself. I am not here to encourage you one way or the other but don’t force yourself if you are not ready. It is truly wonderful when you see someone more confident than ever because they feel relieved after opening up but please remember we are not all the same.
Social media has made it the norm to talk about ourselves and it has even led to the making of this very post. I am not here to judge or criticize those who share all of themselves, I am here to remind you that some of us are very private.
We need people on the front lines but we also need people standing behind offering their love and support. There are more ways than one to spread mental health awareness. We can’t expect everyone to write an autobiography.
This post is for the Cheyenne (yeah that’s my real name) three years ago. The frightened girl who didn’t understand her illness. The baby-faced college student who thought it would get (completely) better once she started her meds. It is a learning experience for all of us. Some of us are older and wiser but that doesn’t make it OK to push others to share. Some need gentle guidance and it may take some many years to get to a point where they even feel comfortable revealing their diagnosis.
And all of that is more than OK.
Hume (you know my real name now though so whatevskis)