This will either piss you off, comfort you or strike a personal chord. If it does anything but comfort you I apologize in advance. also please read this in its entirety before taking any final stance.
Love can overcome all odds, hmmm it depends. Everything in life depends on me. Although I do a lot of black and white thinking, I think when it comes to love there are so many variables that absolutes don’t exist. There’s no point getting specific that’s why I’ll just come out and say it.
If someone didn’t want to date me because I am Bipolar (I would, of course, be hurt and probably devastated knowing me) I would understand. I wouldn’t hold it against them. I know this is in theory so some of you may immediately be upset by my lack of experience. Though, I don’t think that matters so much. I say that because I have already come to terms with it. We all have our bottom lines (most I would assume) and while I can be overly optimistic I like to remain a bit realistic. To me being realistic with a mental illness means you understand you have a lot of baggage. Hey! I hate the term as much as you but it’s important to bring up because a lot of people see it that way.
Now you may be thinking if someone thinks you have a lot of baggage then they aren’t the type of person you should be with anyway, and you’re exactly right they aren’t. To me, I think everyone is entitled to have things they can and cannot live with. If my partner were to honestly tell me my illness isn’t something they are willing to live with I would look at it from their perspective. I have to be with someone who can take care of me. It’s something I have been very honest about from the beginning. I even got my partner a book, “Loving someone with Bipolar disorder” because to be frank with Y’all I want to give them every out possible out. I never want to guilt someone into staying with me.
Maybe to some of you, I’m not recognizing my self-worth but I think it’s really the opposite. I am worthy of love and I deserve someone who is going to be there for me. I deserve someone who is going to love me for me, illness and all. This isn’t to say I expect them to totally dedicate their life to me. I expect honesty and sometimes with honesty comes the ugly truth.
I understand this sounds like I am contributing to the stigmatization of mental illness like I think we’re all freaks who normal people want to run and hide from. Please don’t confuse me with someone who thinks like that because I don’t. However, to me it seems like a huge waste of time and energy to take someone’s decision so personally. I mean of course, it’s personal! It’s a direct response to your mental illness and that’s a very difficult thing to hear from someone.
Everyone needs someone who complements (and compliments) them. We should stop and consider that yeah maybe they are a garbage person who thinks your illness makes you unattractive. I’m not talking about those people. I’m talking about the people who aren’t emotionally competent, don’t have the coping skills and/or strategies to be with you. They shouldn’t be blamed. We all have our own threshold for what we can contribute to a relationship. If someone isn’t strong enough to take care of you or sensitive enough to comfort you then, for the most part, that is who they are. I know that’s giving them a huge out but the less time we focus on the people who aren’t good for us the more time we have to find someone who is.
Once again. People who look down on those with mental illness are apart of the problem (the main problem) but those who are honest and sincere enough to admit they aren’t able to support you the way you need to be, they are doing a huge service by being transparent. The whole thing sucks but I appreciate people who understand their own strengths and weaknesses.
ps. We are all worthy of love and if anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong but if someone tells you they don’t think they can love you the way you need to be, they are saving the both of you a lot of heartache in the long run.
Your friend, (maybe not anymore)