Living with a major depressive disorder is hard. Some days You are fine and other days your symptoms come back and you go back to that deep pit again. The worst part of having a depressive disorder is how it affects your relationships. Recent studies show that most of the people who have major depressive disorder have social anxiety. They cant just go out and talk to people like normal people do. They cant just laugh all the time because not all of us can fake laughs and pretend to be all fine when actually we are not. They cant make friends that easily. They cant face so many “how are you.” because not all of us can lie and say “yeah I’m all good” when we are not. Sitting in the lecture hall and not being able to focus even if you try, zoning out in the middle of conversations, forgetting things and so much more, all these things make people with depressive disorder insecure.
They think they are dumb. When in reality they might be the strongest people because of whats more courageous than fighting your own head. Depressed people cant open up to everyone like normal people do. As soon as the depressive phase comes in we just go back to our own little world, withdraw from people, avoid them as much as we can, even if we love them. When I go through my depressive phases I usually stop talking to people. I start ignoring all the texts on my WhatsApp, I cut off from social media for a while and sometimes I even turn off my phone for a day or two, because of im just not able to face so many people and reply to all the texts and joke around like my normal friends do. And you know whats worst? I can’t even tell them that I’m miserable today. And sometimes I would become grumpy or angry without any apparent reason and would stop caring about anything and would just take out my anger on anyone I talk. That sucks. Being a slave to your own mind.
I know it because it’s not just my friends, it also affects the relationship with my parents, I just suddenly become oblivious to them and I would say things I don’t mean. And then I curse myself for making them worry too much for me. It’s like I care and I don’t care at the same time. It’s like I want to talk but I don’t want to talk at the same time. And when you get back from these phases you don’t even know what to tell people, why weren’t you picking up their calls or not replying or why were you being grumpy lately. Then they think you were ignoring them on purpose and then things get worse.
People with depression know that their mental illness is affecting their relationships but they are powerless to do anything about it. They feel like a burden on their parents/friends/significant others and this makes them feel more guilty about themselves.there is this fear of abandonment that doesn’t leave. Sudden bursts out and anger issues are common.
Depression leads to self-doubt, it makes you feel worthless and flawed and you either think you don’t deserve people around you or you think they don’t care enough for you when in reality these are just the negative thoughts that roam around because of your depression. Just know that nobody is perfect. Not even normal people. Think about small things that make you happy or relieved. My doctor once said this to me and I told him I can’t because I don’t like anything, there is nothing that makes me happy. He gave me one of best answers. He said does having a glass of cold water makes you relieved during this blazing summer? And I was like yes. And then he was like yes it’s THESE little things.