A little background on 12:15 am. I wrote this at on April 29th of 2017 during one of my worst panic attacks of my life. This “poem” is just my thoughts during this event as it pertains to anxiety and panic attacks. It was tough because I was restless and anxious, so it was hard to stay still. I wrote half of it in my room and the other half outside in the darkness of the early morning. At the start, I was in full panic attack mode and I had just taken an Ativan. This panic attack required more than one Ativan that time. By the end, the panic attack iwore me out beyond compare.
Enjoy, and please Always Keep Fighting.
12:15 am by James Edgar Skye
It’s 12:15 in the morning.
My mind is racing and
I can feel my panic rising.
Shallow and slow, I can’t catch my breath.
Restlessness. A feeling of unease.
My hands start to tingle, numbness takes over.
I pace. Take a drink of water—
then begin to pace again.
I must stay inside, no— I can’t.
I must go outside.
My mind races faster, Will I run out of breath?
How do I control this feeling of helplessness?
I overthink. Please stop!
Then again, I over think. And again.
I lose control and the only way back,
is it this tiny white pill in my hand?
God, I want to sleep.
There is so much to do tomorrow.
Finally. I’m in control again.
Anxiety, why do you control me so?
It’s over for now.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!
Photo Credit:unsplash-logoTyson Dudley