12:15 am

I had a couple of bad social anxiety filled nights last night and the night before. I through off my schedule that I was working towards (see more here). This poem, 12:15 am is my go to poem when my night time anxiety happens. It will end up my memoir The Bipolar Writer but since I am about to hit another followers milestone, I thought why not share again?

A little background on my poem 12:15 am. I wrote this at on April 29th of this year during one of my worst panic attacks of my life. This “poem” is just my thoughts during this event that I put together from a journal entry I wrote. It was tough because I was restless and anxious, so it was hard to stay still and write. I wrote half of it in my room and the other half outside. At the start the poem, I was in full panic attack mode and I had just taken an Ativan. This panic attack required more than one Ativan. By the end, it wore me out beyond compare.

Enjoy.

J.E. Skye

12:15am

It’s 12:15 in the morning.

My mind is racing and

I can feel my panic rising.

Shallow and slow, I can’t catch my breath.

Restlessness. A feeling of unease.

My hands start to tingle, numbness takes over.

I pace. Take a drink of water—

then begin to pace again.

I must stay inside, no— I can’t.

I must go outside.

My mind races faster, Will I run out of breath?

How do I control this feeling of helplessness?

I overthink. Please stop!

Then again, I over think. And again.

I overthink.

I lose control and the only way back,

is it this tiny white pill in my hand?

My salvation.

God, I want to sleep.

There is so much to do tomorrow.

Finally. I’m in control again.

Anxiety, why do you control me so?

It’s over for now,

But it won’t be the last time.

Upgrading The Bipolar Writer Blog to Business

I am looking to expand The Bipolar Writer blog to new territories that include having the blog sell books for other artists (if I can make everything work). I am also looking to sell my own book here on my blog. I hate asking for donations but I have to do what I can.

$2.00

Photo Credit: Ian Espinosa

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42 Replies to “12:15 am”

  1. Wow! Amazing poem coming from the grips of a panic attack. I don’t think I could have handled that at all (The writing part that is) while being in the throes of such a horrible moment. You certainly captured the moment without a doubt.

    1. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in the middle of a panic attack. I got the idea from my therapist. I doubt I could do it again, but it was a good experience.

  2. It is hard to write in the grips of panic. I have thrown my books and pens doing it. Thanks for sharing, man! I think it is fantastic you have accomplished so much trying to recover.

  3. James, I know it must have been awful to try and write these thoughts in that state however, kudos! You are amazing. This share captures just how awful, and all over the place this feeling is. Great job as always 🙂 Thank you for sharing again.

  4. Loved this! I’m new to blogging and trying my best to just be REAL and that’s the kind of blogging I enjoy. It’s also a vent for my anxiety, depression and ptsd. My question is; how do I get followers? Likes? My blogs out there ya know? I feel I’m going nowhere with it. My email is Mylinda.cornelius@gmail.com if you have ANY advice or suggestions. Tia!

  5. I absolutely love this, it is so real, so vivid, so accurate. Amazing that you were able to write this during. It’s a feeling I’ve had so many times, and it’s almost “reassuring” to see someone else put it down in words…

    1. Thank you. Anxiety can be so crippling. It was nice to be able to show how it is during a panic attack. Thank you for taking some time to read my blog.

  6. Anxiety has literally crippled me to my bed, couch, recliner, anywhere there is no other souls lately. I’m so much OVER this crippling, fear filled, shaking, not sleeping, not answering the phone, plain evil disease!!!! It’s hard to hold a job and actually be the employee I can be, so once again…..I’m jobless and confined to home for a few days, weeks……until IT decides to leave this time. Soooooooo frustrated! Last week, I experienced my first seizure because I hadn’t taken my anxiety meds. Scariest thing ever!!!! I haven’t even been able to write in over a month due to shaky hands and a foggy head. Thanks for sharing James Edgar Skye…….prayers and good vibes your way brother! 💪🏻 keep fighting the good fight!

  7. Great poem, As a sufferer of anxiety myself this is an idea which will keep me grounded and make sure I evaluate what’s going on before the panic sets in. Would you have any advice to maybe prevent a panic attack happening ?

      1. Thank you for the reply, Could you maybe have a look at my first blog and give some advice please.

  8. I am curious about how your anxiety attacks arise. Are there any specific triggers? I face with depression and some occasional anxiety, but the anxiety is never as bad as you would describe it in your posts. Are you currently going to therapy and or CBT?

    On a side note, I admire how you continue to pull together the strength to make so much progress in your blogging and writing career. I hope you succeed in your endeavours.

    1. Thank you Jo for your kind words. I am in CBT. It helps. I am on medication which also helps regulate. I meditate, I do mindfulness breathing. I usually have a panic attack if my schedule starts to get out of whack. Also driving has been a trigger.

      1. I believe when it comes from the heart…it’s always good 🙂

  9. Love this man. As someone who only recently (this year) realised he has incredible anxiety, this spoke to me on a deep level. The realism of it all is what strikes me, it’s as though you wrote vicariously through me, which sounds odd, I know. But it’s true. I experience the exact same. Great work, man. Looking forward to reading more!

    1. Thanks my brother. I am glad my words could help you make the connection. Surprisingly I don’t consider myself great at poetry but I seem to get good responses on my poems so comment me like these are great. I wish you luck in finding peace in your own struggles.

  10. I think you are doing amazing and important work, James. I recently had my first panic attack, and it was absolutely terrifying. I am not an over-reactor, but it seemed life-threatening. I immediately made big changes in my life which has made a world of difference. My daughter has always suffered from anxiety. I guess the positive of my experience was being able to understand firsthand. I’m a mental health advocate and wish to/plan to do more.

    1. It is different when you experience anxiety firsthand. I would never wish it on my worst enemy, but it helps that people experience it and know just debilitating it can be. I hope my poetry helps and I hope your daughter finds peace. I am on my own journey to conquer my social anxiety.

  11. This poem gives me chills, so truthfully describing a panic attack. I have been getting them again recently and can’t imagine being able to write during one. Beautiful!

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