10 Things The Bipolar Writer Thinks About I While Depressed

Dealing with depression the last few weeks has opened up my eyes to the fact no matter how far I have come, and no matter how much I have gotten my depression under control, my depression always comes around. I have written recently about current depression cycle that seems to be coming close to its end.

My Longest Depression Cycle of 2018

  1. Time Moves Slowly – I realized in this past depression cycle that time seems to move slowly when my thoughts are consumed by depression. I tend to forget that time is even moving forward. At times I look up at it has just been a few minutes and it felt like an hour.
  2. I don’t think about the days – I had a phone call from my therapist because I missed my appointment (which was a good thing because she accidentally double booked my time slot) but I didn’t realize it was already Thursday.
  3. I Think About the Past – About the days where all I had to deal with was my social anxiety. About peaceful days where I don’t deal with anxiety or depression every second of my day. I miss those days.
  4. I Realized I Sleep a lot – This is an interesting thing because I don’t sleep very well or often, but when I am depressed, I actually sleep during the day— a rare thing.
  5. I Think About Characters for Future Stories – One of the great things that come out of my depression is everything in my life slows down. I have a lot of time to think. I thought a lot about two characters for a new story and thought I was depressed and had trouble focusing on my writing, I was able to write down some of my thoughts on these characters.
  6. I Think Negative Thoughts – I am sure that this the most relatable thoughts when those of us that deal with depression have to deal with during a cycle. For me, I convinced myself that because I was depressed that I didn’t do well on my finals. It was partly depression changing my thinking, and I did well on both.
  7. I Let the Worst Thoughts Consume me – I hate when I let things get to me, but negative thoughts and depression always go hand in hand.
  8. I Beleive I am at my Worst When Depressed – I am not immune to thoughts about my past suicides when I am depressed. Since 2010, I have never been so depressed that I am suicidal, but my thoughts can still get very dark.
  9. I Think About Changing the Narrative in my Head – Eventually I hit the point where my thoughts look towards changing the depression narrative in my head. It’s these thoughts that always help me get back out and living a healthy life without depression. My depression cycle always ends.
  10. I Will Fight this Current Depression Cycle.

The upside is I have been writing my thoughts in my private journal as I often do in a depression cycle. So I wanted to share ten thoughts I think about when I am depressed.

I hope you enjoyed this new list.

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James

Please Help me Publish my Memoir

I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!

$2.00

Photo Credit:

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32 Replies to “10 Things The Bipolar Writer Thinks About I While Depressed”

  1. Yes, my depression cycles include a lot of these things. I have come to realize that sleeping a lot is often a warning sign for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sleep is my biggest warning sign. I never nap. It’s almost impossible for me to nap. But napping is common when I am really depressed. It tells me I gotta make changes.

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  2. Interesting that you think of characters for your books during depression. Kinda reminds me of the art I think of during migraines auras. I wish I got a creative spark during depression. I mostly just want to sleep. And eat. Sigh.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve written some of my best characters depression. It’s helps me get out the funk. I think it’s therapeutic nature that is writing for me. I do want to sleep and lay in bed as well most of the time.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can relate to so much of this list. I really struggle to write when I am having bad depression, but often I create new characters for stories or place old characters in new situations when I am in a bad place. I think it’s because my easiest form of escape is to go live with the characters in my head for a while if that makes sense. It was a mechanism I developed as a child to cope with my high levels of anxiety and haven’t ever been able to fully shake it. It feels more difficult with my new chronic illness though, as it often feels like I don’t even have the energy to think. I’m glad you’re pushing through to write though. I’m making time at the moment to sit down and read one of my friend’s blog posts every day, and it’s often yours as it gives me hope to continue fighting both my chronic illness and the worsening mental health that comes with it. Thank you, and thank you for always making the time to chat in the comments my friend!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s definitely a big part of why I enjoy gaming too. Knowing I can be a character in a game who will (probably) be successful in their actions. I think that’s why I keep going back to RPGs (especially Skyrim, Dragon Age and the original Mass Effect trilogy) when I’m really depressed.

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  4. Yes! I just came out of a deep depression that started about mid-November. I had a breakdown almost 3 weeks ago. It was pretty bad, but had brought me to a realization that I am grieving the loss of my life, as I knew it. I have several chronic illnesses, one being the most painful condition known to humans. But I have seen the hope growing since 3 weeks ago. I wish you well and enjoy your blog!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for reading my blog. I’m sorry about your chronic illnesses those are hard to deal with and not deal with depression. My worst months are November to March but it was different this year. I was okay January to March but April I struggled. I can’t wait to get out of this month.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, they are hard. I actually print my bloggings out and take them to my therapist. He’s not really a computer guy. He’s found them very helpful b/c sometimes I can’t get out how I am feeling verbally. This gives us a starting point to discuss things. It’s been quite helpful.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be really useful in fighting the negative thoughts that came into my head. My therapist introduced me to it, writing a pros and cons list she called a costs and benefits analysis of thinking that way. Then you give a name to your inner critic so that you start to think of it as a separate entity you can tell off and make go away. It sounds weird but it actually works. Each time I’ve told my inner voice, The Bully, to get back in its box, it does as its told. I’ve actually gotten through an entire month without it rearing it’s ugly head. Hope you can manage to pull yourself up out of this depression cycle, James.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I have worked with CBT. Right now I am working on my avoidance behaviors associated with my panic attacks. What your working on sounds very interesting. I will run it by my therapist next week. I can be my worst critic. It’s always been that way.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I started the inner critic stuff in a separate group my therapist recommended me for, for people with low self esteem. But your therapist no doubt has heard of the cost/benefit analysis and of separating your inner critic. We also had to come up with a compassionate persona who would tell us positive things about ourselves. That was a lot harder!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I have done Mindfulness to some extent. I got an app on my phone and it is set to certain times in the day where it tells me to take 2 minutes to be mindful. It works for me because I have trouble getting my brain to focus for any length of time.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I stared on your earlier post that I too fight these cycles. I love how you are able to put the details in writing. It will help many!
    Hugs 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with Joni; you way of verbalizing your experiences is excellent, and I’m sure helpful to each reader with struggles in similar ways.

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  8. Hi James, create or destroy yourself. By sharing you’re helping others have faith that we are all in this together. Safe to say you are trying your best you deserve credit not negativity. Wish you well.

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  9. I have begun to fear my depressive moments, and finally realized that I need to call a spade a spade and relinquish my control to God. These times get harder and harder, but good always comes after a storm. I have nominated you for The Mystery Blogger Award! If you are interested, please see my latest blog~

    Liked by 1 person

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