Will They Miss Me When I Am Gone?

What about me is memorable?

Besides my crying eyes.

Is it the lies

or my highs?

Genuinely I ponder

Not in the same frame of mind

as when I am suicidal

I find

We all would like to leave a legacy

and mine, I’ll define

A lost soul once found

face down on the ground

with nothing to hold onto

pulling herself upright

she had given up that night

the battle in her mind

she could no longer fight

Is that the me they will see,

if they miss me

For I have rewritten my story

this time they are my words

not the ones I was told

Proud of living a life

carefree and bold

Aren’t they aware there

are two of me?

Which will I be when I am set free?

Isolating, striving to be

the better version of me

Some days still lost

I search frantically within

for it is inside

on days they cannot see

the me I’ve grown to be

I wonder if they will miss me

I am capable of writing full sentences but when I am doubtful of my words, I present them in this style because my thoughts are fragmented.  Often times I want to write about my life and my achievements but for some reason, I have a tendency to write reflectively.  It enables me to see where I have grown yet holding me hostage in a familiar place.  A place that is deep within, fearing the light.  Keeping it dark and hidden protects that part of me yet acknowledges its existence.  The moment I pretend it isn’t there, it will wreak havoc on my life.  I am in a place somewhere between mania and stability maintaining as best I can.  I fear the come down as I’ve been up for a while.  And I love this part of me.

28 Replies to “Will They Miss Me When I Am Gone?”

  1. Beautiful and powerful, i think this form of writing can have more impact than full sentences if written well and you did it for me. I loved this, this touched me more than any paragraph could. ❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally understand where you are coming from, writing my first blog was terrifying. I felt so raw like people can see inside my heart. I love this though and you should write anyway you want, if this is how you express yourself the so be it.

    Liked by 1 person

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