In previous days I often discussed finding the light. The light that would lead me out of my darkness. I would hold on to the glimmer I could see but it took more than that slither to set me free. Weak arm muscle giving out each time I neared the sight. I am here to tell you that it is possible to reach that damn light.
My days of darkness aren’t as present as they once were. They ebb and flow at a different pace. At one time my depression and mania would race. On those days medication is my saving grace.
Fearing the fall remains at the forefront of my mind. When I fall, I am left behind. Time goes on without me. Slipping, I slide further into the tunnel. On occasion, I am able to halt this downward spiral. Tightrope walking the one mile.
Recovery has worked wonders for me. The mental recovery gives me a freedom I’ve not ever had, whereas the substance abuse recovery allows me to see clearly. Recovery isn’t limited to any one area of life. It is all-encompassing.
It takes work to remain alcohol-free. Its hold was mental and physical. Crippling me for 23 years, I shed no tears. It isn’t a loss as it is a gain. I am now able to maintain. An existence that may seem mundane but one that makes me proud.
My mental state is in sorts of remission. It hasn’t interrupted my days. At bay, it stays. Waiting for its turn in the spotlight, making me lose sleep at night. Tossing and turning we fight.
My time may seem consumed, a cloud looming of doom. I leave it where it lay, refusing it to play. Play with my mind and torment my soul, I won’t give it control.
So for now, today, I am ok. Creating and decorating a space I claim as mine. I take advantage of ole father time.
For those with lost hope, remember to hold onto the rope. Pull and climb, don’t get left behind. Recovery waits for you around the corner. Use all of your strength and you will be glad you did. Don’t say you hid.
Find your light and blind your darkness. Allow it to be your compass. Guiding you toward that light, say you put up a fight.
And to all,
There is light.