This is not my normal type of post, however, I found this in a box of old writings while searching for something else and I wanted to share, unedited. It struck me because this was when I first found my voice through writing, over ten years ago, at a very different and difficult time in my life that now, feels like centuries ago. It made me realize, although it was dark, there were always glimmers of light.
The very depths of my soul cannot explain why my heart bleeds with no wounds, beats with no sound and pounds in cold repetition. The hurt inside engulfs every piece of my being. Why don’t you love me? Why does it paralyze me? Why do I care?
Twisted emotions lay heavy in my chest. The tears will not flow to stain my face, for pride is rich in my veins. Deep breaths encourage me, memories anger me, the walks restrain me but do not allow me to wake from the nightmare.
My body torn in half from the deceit and the truth, my mind in shambles filled with static in every dark corner. Where is the light? When will the storm pass? Where is the horizon that I long for?
It is there, far beyond my reach, gleaming with a brightness that is blinding, two beautiful stars. I strive to hold them. The heat surrounds my face. I close my eyes and feel their presence. I open my eyes, my pupils expand, my lips curve, my heart feels light and my soul cleansed. The static is silenced, the pureness is overwhelming, the love is unconditional. Before me stand two brilliant angels, before me stand my children.
You can never break me, for their light will forever shatter the emptiness.