Taking a Mental and Physical Day Off
We all have those days, I hate those days.
I woke up today with one of my worst migraines this year. I had the whole nine yards when it comes to migraines, but the worst was the sensitivity to light. I wanted to lay in bed in the dark all day. I really had no choice because the light was hurting to a point where I wanted to close my eyes forever.
It was strange. I am so used to all my mental illness always “being in my headspace.” Sure there are physiological symptoms to my mental illness. I am just not a fan of my migraines. I never have been because they make me want to go against my impulses to be productive.
My productivity was none existent to a point where I started to feel depressed about it. I am already feeling isolated by my mania, depression, and social anxiety lately. This just seems cruel that with all that I still get a few bad migraines every year. I know that some people with migraines daily have it worse. I am glad my migraines, at least at this point, have not gotten so much worse.
I thought a lot about how over the course of my life things always seem to spiral. Maybe I need to take more mental health days. Then I thought, “you are too hard on yourself James.” It’s the truth. I am my worst enemy when it comes to being kind to myself. When I am not productive, it makes me mad because I feel that for years I wasted away and there is a part of me that feels as if I need to catch up or make up the time I lost.
I need to be kinder to myself. So maybe this is a great thing for me. Time for me to relax and not worry about all the things that go through my mind, which is always a lot.
I wanted to end with this, we are always a work in progress in this mental illness life. We keep working and keep fighting. Thank you for listening.
Always Keep Fighting (AKF)