The Surging Ebb and Flow of my Mood Swings

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. – Edgar Allan Poe

The Extreme Ups and Downs of the Bipolar Writer

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I have been thinking a lot about the ups and downs of my mood swings lately. It has been an obsession of sorts. I have been writing about it because it has been an up and down to the extreme cycling over the past month. One day I feel overly depressed and fail to get out of bed. The next day I am manic, and I can write the next great American novel. It has felt so much lately like balance is the furthest thing possible. I believe I will get there eventually. What is the cause of such things in this Bipolar life?

Is it in the Air?

One of the best things about living in central California is that it does not get too hot or too cold. The downside for someone living with mood swings is that it means the up and down weather, one day it is overcast and the next it is sunny. It can wreak havoc on my moods because the consistency of the weather is so essential to finding balance (among other things). As September moves along, it is getting to that point where the weather will really start to affect my mood. I am not looking forward to depression taking over again.

My Lack of Sleep…

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I can trace so much of my cycling mood swings to the lack of consistency in my sleep lately. It is the endless struggle in my life. When I am manic (as I felt last night), and for the life of me sleep eluded me. I tried. I spent hours tossing and turning in bed. I spend so much time walking around my house in the dark restless in my thoughts.

The opposite happens when my depression takes over. I oversleep, and I lay in bed wasting away. That happened just two days ago. I know I promised myself that I would be kinder to myself, but as I sit here writing, I can feel the ebb and flow of my mood swings just waiting for the next cycle.

I am not at my best today, but I wanted to continue to explore my thoughts on my mood cycles as it relates to my Bipolar disorder. I want to really understand what is behind this recent issues and writing is the best way to figure it out for me. I am all over the map at the moment, and I hope that you will bear with me over the coming weeks.

It would be great to hear your thoughts and expereinces on cycling as it relates to Bipolar disorder. That is what this blog is all about in the end.

Always Keep Fighting

James

Photo Credit:

Randy Jacob

Alan Tang

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16 Replies to “The Surging Ebb and Flow of my Mood Swings”

  1. I suffer SAD and am really not looking forward to the colder weather that is approaching. I’m in Michigan and the cooler weather is upon us. I’m not ready for summer to be over. My favorite park that I would go to every day after work has closed already and I’m feeling lost with nowhere to go to unwind. It’s getting dark out earlier. Fall is definitely in the air. Fall used to be my season, but not this year. What am I going to do when the snow flies? Ugh 🙁 .

  2. Bipolar is not a word that has been around my entire life. However I’ve felt the ebb and flow of energy throughout each passing day. The older I get the less are the demands of the world. Or at least my response to it. Still I find myself caught up in a frenzy of activity followed by no activity at all. The less I worry about it the more I’m at peace with the rhythm of me. I don’t spend as much time in my head as I used to. At least not trying to compare myself to others or make myself some “norm.” It is much more fun contemplating what is outside in the world and its beauty. I know that is easier said than done, but I’ve had many years now on this earth to figure out I’d better embrace joy while I have the time. I will be thinking of you today and hoping this one is one of just being for you. The best book I ever read started out with the sentence: “Life is difficult.” The second sentence said something like this: “Once we accept life is difficult it becomes easier.

  3. When I was in the worst stages (I hope) of recovering from PTSD my thoughts were so fast and scattered (I also have ADD) it showed in my writing. Don’t worry about feeling like the reader needing to bare with you-your writing is extremely lucid and easy to follow. Sometimes life is hard to make sense of-glad to see you plan to keep fighting and encouraging others to do so. Human beings are a complex and beautiful weaving of DNA, personal experience, giftedness and broken places. We are sacred snowflakes, no two alike. We fall together, stick together, yet our stories are our own. I write about my experiences to keep me sane and hope it helps others. Yet I am reminded that what books or medications help me are part of my story, a story I believe God is writing on my heart and is in His heart. All I can do is tell it. All I can do is listen to others and appreciate their journey and offer love and support. Keep writing, keep fighting. You are doing a great job. You are being you, the best you can, in a very hard time. It’s all that’s needed. Never give up.

  4. Someone said It’s all in your head. But I don’t really know. My mum says to read a good thought every morning and one before going to bed. Something that was joyful, miraculous or how someone made someones’ day. Works for me may help you too. 🙂 🙂

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