I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. – Edgar Allan Poe
The Extreme Ups and Downs of the Bipolar Writer
I have been thinking a lot about the ups and downs of my mood swings lately. It has been an obsession of sorts. I have been writing about it because it has been an up and down to the extreme cycling over the past month. One day I feel overly depressed and fail to get out of bed. The next day I am manic, and I can write the next great American novel. It has felt so much lately like balance is the furthest thing possible. I believe I will get there eventually. What is the cause of such things in this Bipolar life?
Is it in the Air?
One of the best things about living in central California is that it does not get too hot or too cold. The downside for someone living with mood swings is that it means the up and down weather, one day it is overcast and the next it is sunny. It can wreak havoc on my moods because the consistency of the weather is so essential to finding balance (among other things). As September moves along, it is getting to that point where the weather will really start to affect my mood. I am not looking forward to depression taking over again.
My Lack of Sleep…
I can trace so much of my cycling mood swings to the lack of consistency in my sleep lately. It is the endless struggle in my life. When I am manic (as I felt last night), and for the life of me sleep eluded me. I tried. I spent hours tossing and turning in bed. I spend so much time walking around my house in the dark restless in my thoughts.
The opposite happens when my depression takes over. I oversleep, and I lay in bed wasting away. That happened just two days ago. I know I promised myself that I would be kinder to myself, but as I sit here writing, I can feel the ebb and flow of my mood swings just waiting for the next cycle.
I am not at my best today, but I wanted to continue to explore my thoughts on my mood cycles as it relates to my Bipolar disorder. I want to really understand what is behind this recent issues and writing is the best way to figure it out for me. I am all over the map at the moment, and I hope that you will bear with me over the coming weeks.
It would be great to hear your thoughts and expereinces on cycling as it relates to Bipolar disorder. That is what this blog is all about in the end.
Always Keep Fighting