I know you’re here.
I wrote a letter to OCD before, but I realized I never wrote one to you. I wanted to take this time to acknowledge your existence as well.
Depression, you are ugly, strong and beastly. I always thought you would never be part of my story. I never wanted to get to know you, and I don’t wish even for my worst enemy to have you as their story.
You crept up into my life out of nowhere. I thought I was just overly stressed, but you slowly took over my thoughts and ran me over. The thought of you makes me shiver, but I am here to talk to you, face to face, and share how you may have try to wreck me, but you only made me stronger.
I thought I had it all, being a young research fellow, preparing for graduate programs to be a psychologist myself. I was so ready to conquer and help others that struggle with mental illness, including YOU. But you – Depression changed my life forever.
You came up to surface, as my OCD symptoms have gotten worse. When things started to go out of my will, you started to tell me all these lies about myself that weren’t true.
You told me that I am not good enough and I am a failure for not meeting the expectation of others. You made me suicidal, not living my life to the fullest extent that I was capable of. You showed me what it meant to be hopeless, not being able to laugh or smile for weeks.
So many people thought I was just stressed and sad. They denied your existence in my life. You made me put on a mask in front of others, pretending like everything was okay when it wasn’t.
You have taken so many people’s lives away, that it utterly breaks my heart. When will you stop?
But you know what Depression; you also made me realize how strong I am. Through you, I learned what it means to fight for my life and how beautiful it is to have a community of people that fought with me to push on. You also have taught me how valued and loved I am by the people in my life. Through you, I now have an outlet, by writing to share my story of how I was not alone, but there is hope no matter how you may try to trick us.
Depression, you make the world seem like there is no end. You make the world seem like there is no way out of you.
I’m sorry you don’t know what it means to be happy and joyful. I’m sorry people despise you for being what you are. I hope that you can also find what it means to be happy, and be joyful as there is so much in life than being depressed.
I hope to never see you again, but if I do, know that I will not back down. Ever.