Yesterday sucked, it was the hardest and longest panic attack that I have had in a long while. Since the moment I woke I had this feeling of dread, that it would take all that I could to get through this day– and I was right.
It has been relatively quiet when it comes to the panic attack department this summer. I have had a couple since July, but while my anxiety is high, lately it has not gone into full panic attack mode. I am guessing that it was inevitable that I would hit that place again, it has been all too familiar in the past two years.
In the first few hours of my day, it was spent trying to get my anxiety out of panic attack mode. much-needed I tried all the old tricks. I sat in the sun and tried to relax, that lasted about two minutes.
I was a mess by the time I came down from the panic attack about two hours later. One o the worst things with panic attacks is that your whole body feels like you ran a marathon after without actually running a marathon. What is worse is that even though the panic attack is over, you still have to deal with the anxiety.
The only way I came down was with Ativan, as I have not learned how to deal with anxiety/social anxiety without medications (I am a work in progress.) It sucked. The rest of my day consisted of anxiety and Ativan. I found a way to keep going. I ended up getting a much needed haircut and got pizza after. It was something postive.
Then I entered into no sleep which was worse, but that is for another blog post.
With that said it has been a tough week and I am only a few days (October 1st) from starting my master’s program. I worried. I always somehow find a way to pull it out of nowhere and figure this out. I am going to take a day off and then hopefully get back on track. I need a mental health day.
Always Keep Fighting (AKF)