Lift your head up.
Don’t be scared. It’s me.
This is me, writing a letter to you after winning the hardest battle, and still fighting strong.
So what. You aren’t performing as well on your GRE, and being a research fellow is a lot harder than you expected. I’m a little disappointed on how much you let yourself go during this time.
You blocked everyone out of your life, so that you can get a certain number on a standardized exam, while your own mental health was flaking.
So why am I back here writing this letter to you?
Because in the end, you didn’t flake. You pushed through and you didn’t let go.
You crawled into a ball, weeping on your carpet wondering why you are feeling this way. The endless flow of dreaming about finishing the bottle of Nyquil, and hoping that everything will get better from there.
You clenched your fist, and hit it against your chest over and over, thinking if you hit it hard enough, it will stop pounding with sadness.
You ran miles after miles, running until you literally couldn’t breathe anymore, hoping that your heart would stop beating.
You told yourself that you let this happen because you are weak. You told yourself that you weren’t meant to live this life, because it shouldn’t be this hard.
But guess what? Look where you are now.
Just like Jesus conquered the grave, you conquered your mental disorders.
It felt like you were dragging yourself over the edge, but you made it.
It felt like you “gave in” by starting treatment with medication, but it was only a tool to find yourself again. You don’t know how long this process might take, but you will get there. You’ll be okay.
I wish I could tell you that you are going to be fine. Please. Lift your head up, and smile. Your heavenly father is for you, not against you.
Look around and realize that there are many out there that have fought the battle and won victoriously. Be proud, and be strong.
Don’t let OCD define you, and don’t let depression define you.
You have an identity unlike they do, and that’s what makes your live worth living so much more.
Find your voice and keep on fighting.
Lift your head up, and smile. You will be okay.
How do I know?
Because this is a letter from you. A letter coming from the future.