I don’t fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach. – Mary Roach
I was not myself this week.
It has been a week that I hate the most. A week where I get lost in the shuffle of the changing of seasons and my mental health. It is normal at this time of year, and while I am more attuned than ever before with the seasonal affective disorder part of my illness, but there are still weeks where my depression takes over.
One of the first things that I lose is the feel of my writing. Mental blocks are hard enough to deal with in general, but when I lose touch with my writing, I feel lost. It is the worst feeling in the world. On certain days during this tough week, I experienced what I like to call going through the motions of life. It is mental illness autopilot. I am here and working towards my goals, but at the same time mentally I am checked out.
Mental health recovery is a road. It has its twists, the turns, ups, and downs. There will always be days where you feel lost in depression or anxiety. Days where mental health just seems impossible. One thing that I have learned over the past year and, indeed my entire journey, is that no matter how deep you get into the darkness of depression you can find your way out.
That is what I did today. I broke through the fog of my depression and did some great things here on my blog, with my writing projects, and of course my school work.
The name of the game is to find ways to shorten the length of depression cycles. In the end, it is better to embrace your depression than to fight it. I am still learning and growing in understanding my mental illness. It is a never-ending war at times, but the truth is the more battles you win, the better for your mental health. Fighting the war is worth it (okay no more cliches).
You are worth it. I am worth it, and the journey is worth it in the end. Mental health recovery is a road we are all familiar with, and we keep fighting– always.
Always Keep Fighting