Ripple Effect of PTSD and Mental Illness

I wrote this about a week ago after a visit from my parents. My PTSD was triggered significantly after only seeing them briefly, but I made it through once again. What an indescribable joy it is to feel peace and wellness after being consumed with overwhelming anxiety, anger, sorrow, shame, regret and suicidal ideations again. Plus, what a spectacular feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment it is to overcome after becoming undone.

My childhood and life experiences may not have been a warzone, but I can experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) just the same.

The ripple effect of PTSD and mental illness is like a Tsunami. I learned I must prepare for the Hurricane’s arrival by fleeing the scene or not going anywhere near the presence of the storm to begin with. I must stay away from the destructive properties of the storm for my own safety, survival and well-being and for the lives, well-being and happiness of others.

A Tsunami is a ferocious dangerous storm that does not care who it hurts. A Tsunami is never good and there is nothing good about it. It does not discriminate and has an eye and deceptive mind of its own destroying everything in its path. I must stay away from the eye of the storm—his piercing destructive glare wounds deeply.

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I must avoid the storm from hitting again. The mere thought of it sends shivers throughout my entire body causing panic, terror, anger and sorrow from memories of past abuse, pain and destruction.  Even if I do not know the outcome of the storm, I can never take a chance. It is not worth the amount of work and energy it takes to recover. The risk is too great and the wounds and destruction are too painful and sometimes costly. I have had to struggle to survive and overcome too many past storms the Tsunamis in my life have caused throughout my lifetime and I will never do it AGAIN. I am finished with this natural disaster in my life.

One of the huge problems with this storm is the lifelong damage it has caused and maybe even greater is that this storm continues to destruct. It will not die, go away, change its path or course of destruction it chooses. It sometimes just selects different victims which actually wounds me even MORE. I could not stop this storm myself and I can’t protect the other victims as much as I should have. This saddens me as well. This storm continues to be a mean beast of a storm wounding and damaging others in its lifelong destructive path. I have not been the only victim. I must stay away from the evil eye of the storm… and warn and protect others… if only I could.

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We must stop abusers and bullies, all bullies. Sometimes the biggest and scariest bullies live in our own homes. Then there is no place to go for safety or protection The person or people who are supposed to protect you the most are the ones that hurt you the most. Who can you trust? It makes it a lonely, scary and unhappy place to live.

How can we help those we do not know need help? We need to educate. If when I was young I knew how dysfunctional my family was and I had someone to talk to, maybe I could have gotten help. I will never know that, but I pray no one will ever have to go through what I did. So, I continue to talk, to educate, to inform, to start dialogs. I am trying but I know I am not doing enough. I pray I can do more. I pray God will show me the direction I need to go so that I can best help myself and help others at the same time.

Please keep fighting and keep keeping on. Please do not let suicidal thoughts ever win.

Related imageI must confess that after the visit from my own Tsunami this past weekend, I was triggered and my brain took over. I went to my past thoughts. My hope. My way out. My only way I thought I had to end my pain. The only thing in the past that gave me comfort, peace and hope. As sad as that was for so many years of my life, suicide was my hope. I saw no other way out. Please fight those thoughts. I had to fight through them again over the last two nights.  I fought and I won again. I will never let that storm or storms win. I beat that storm before and I will beat it again and again. So can all of you.

I know from experience that it will get better and suicide is not the answer. Recovery is possible. Look out for YOU. Take care of you and know that you matter and you have a huge value and purpose in this world.

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For me, the answer is Jesus. Jesus saves. Jesus saved my life numerous times. He can and will save yours too. Let Jesus help you. Let Jesus enter your life and heart.

Open your heart to Him. Have a relationship with Jesus. I guarantee you it is the best relationship you will EVER HAVE!

Have hope and faith. It does better. Pray and pray some more. Have people pray for you. Have them lay their hands on you and pray. Get on your hands and knees and pray. It works. I am telling you it works.

God answers prayers. Recovery is possible. I am living proof of that.

To pray is to let go and let God take over. ~Philippians 4:6-7

Copyright © 2018 Susan Walz | myloudbipolarwhispers.com | All Rights Reserved

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28 Replies to “Ripple Effect of PTSD and Mental Illness”

    1. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I am able to weather the storm from having a great outlet like writing and being part of this amazing blogging community full of kind people like you that keep encouraging me and helping me weather each of my storms. Thank you. Much love and hugs, Sue

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your encouraging words. Thank you for praying as well. Jesus is my rock. Jesus has saved my life many times. He continues to save my life each and every day. Be well and be blessed always.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. If the storm never stops, then why would you live? If it’s a destructive force that awakens and begins in your heart- PTSD- triggered by people and things you can’t predict would do so–hurts people you love through you, *his* evil springing on you without warning– why endure? It makes no sense. You can’t run from PTSD.

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    1. I wrote about times when PTSD symptoms were severe. They are not always like that. I endure because I can and I choose to live and love. I endure through the pain with hope and faith, because I know it is possible to overcome as I have survived and overcome many life obstacles. Life is and can be beautiful even if you have PTSD and other mental illnesses or other illnesses or other struggles to overcome. This is my only life and I have to make the best of it despite my past. I write about it because it helps me get through a difficult moment. Life gets better. I am not running from it but embracing it and tackling it when it tries to run me down.Thank you for your reply.

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      1. I thought you said TO run from it? Anyway- it’s my last night here so good luck. Running and not running from the big storm- man, that image. Maybe it’s because I use storms a lot in my writing–but as life’s problems and that eye of the storm is the time in the middle of a problem to prepare for the last hard push through. A lot of times in the middle of a storm- a life problem-you can direct it where to go- it’s the crossroad.
        Eye of the storm- for me- is the turning point – bad or good. Kinda like using someone’s energy against them. Or springing a trap in a video game- the old video games- read that on BlueChair- the game has one chance to slam the person down- then they learn. And adapt. PTSD is an immediate war thrust upon your mind. You’re home and then trigger- bombs drop. You don’t see it coming. It hits. It devestates. And thrives on those little triggers – those little mines- we don’t always see. But once we do. Dang. Imagine how much harder C-ptsd is. Man. I hope that never hits you in public. Because your insides crawl out of your mouth. You just wait for the bombs to stop. This blog in particular has been a great truth bomb. It tells me people are listening. And I am using that to my advantage. Thank you, Friends. I hope your storms never find you. And I hope to hell your PTSD finds itself buried with this post and not bouncing down the road. A simple please stop often stops many many storms– but a war like PTSD? Sometimes people just start one trying to feed someone their karma. And end up piling it up on themselves. Me? I let people keep their karma. They’ve earned it.
        Right? I hope Heavenly Father blesses your struggles and journey, and forgives us for any mental illnesses we have. I’m sorry for any harm I’ve caused- and ask for forgiveness for any storms or wars I’ve caused in your lives– and forgive you and others for any they’ve caused in mine. Peace to you and yours

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so very much for commenting back. I am very happy you did. My words and post were not written that well honestly. I was in pain at the moment I wrote it and sometimes I write my best work when I am hurting the most and other times not so much. This post was one I wrote soon after being triggered. I often write to help me get through my pain and understand what I am feeling. It is very therapeutic for me. Honestly I am not a gifted writer. I just have a story to tell and try to write. I write for therapeutic reasons. I try my best and am always trying to improve my craft or even make it a craft. So, if my words confused you at all, I am very sorry. I am happy you commented and I love to get all feedback. It helps me and hopefully it helps you as well. I love how you explained how you write about storms often and the eye of the storm being the turning point either good or bad. I love that and I can see that and believe it to be very true as well. You have no need to apologize for anything at all. I am confused as to why this is you last night. Will you please clarify. I hope you will still be part of this blogging community. I would like to check out you site and read some of your work. Please stay and I hope I will hear back from you again soon. Be well and be blessed. Much love and many hugs, Sue

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      3. Wow! That sounds like me-you got me down. Please stop- for yourself and me. Don’t commit suicide.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Okay. Thank you. I am doing well and I am not suicidal at all right now. I am not depressed or having suicidal thoughts. Thank you though. I appreciate it. Much love. Be well.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I am very happy you are headed in the right direction and on your way to recovery and healing. It does take time and patience but you are going to make it. Keep on keeping on. Try to enjoy your recovery journey. Much love and many blessings. Be well and blessed.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You are welcome. Thank you for reading and commenting and I am very happy you saw it as a story of hope. Sometimes I think I share so much pain that it comes across negatively but I try to end with positively. We are all striving for positivity and hope. I think when I write I am self-talking myself and writing at the same time. Thanks again and be well.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very encouraging. I am so stuck wanting to help one of my adult children, but he is not open to God’s help. He’s got medical, substance, emotional issues and nowhere else to turn but his parents at this time. And I think I’m the one with PTSD, as I am reliving the decades-old memory of living with someone ( a past marriage) who had demons – bipolar and anorexia.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sure is. That is where you are supposed to be loved and protected the most and when you are not, it causes a lot of pain and trust issues and makes life difficult and very complicated.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Heartbreaking–and yet reassuring. A lot of people don’t believe how bad things really are/were–if there are no visible scars; but I grew up in the nicest house on the block, with crazy-making hell going on inside. It took courage to leave my family….finally–but the peace is well worth it. Here’s to all the survivors who work hard to get past The Past.

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    1. “Crazy making hell” is what my house was like as a child and the dysfunction still exists today in my parents home and wherever they travel. They bring it with them… I am finally trying to leave my family… mostly parents. It is hard but it is a must. I can’t survive with them. It is time to put myself first for the first time in my life. I will not play anymore of their games. I will not be part of it. I love… “hard to get past the past.” Isn’t the past just that… the past? I need to make sure my past is in the past now. My new thing is trying to remind myself and others that cannot understand that I am not really leaving them, I am leaving the old me. They were part of the old me and if they will not change they cannot be part of the new me. Thank you for your beautiful words. I really appreciate them. Many blessings to you and I hope you are feeling and doing well.

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      1. Your sharing made my day better 🙂 I can tell you that I’ve been estranged from my siblings for 20 years–I was the eldest, our parent are deceased. Over the past 2 decades I tried to reconnect (by phone) a few times, thinking it was the “Christian” thing to do. Each time I became physically ill again–and God assured me it was not His desire that I keep doing this to myself. Other than DNA, I have nothing in common with any of them–which is what happens when the eldest is put in the position of being a parental figure, rather than growing up as a peer/friend with siblings. It’s taken a long time to accomplish a measure of forgiveness, as they were all both victims and perpetrators of the abusive atmosphere. A certain line sticks in my mind, voiced by a sibling when we were still young: “Don’t go away mad, just go away”. I idolized them, wanted to be “in” with them, their world… Well, I went away…and I’m not so mad anymore, unless the flashbacks attack–which unfortunately they still do. Thank you for sharing with me today–I pray you will settle into the good and peaceful life you deserve! ❤

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