I have lived with a mental illness for most of my life so it’s kind of weird when things are going really well.
Maybe I’m the only one but when you’re used to living everyday feeling depressed and anxious, it is odd to not feel that way. I am so used to having my mental illness control my life that when I get to do what I want, I’m lost.
I’m not complaining at all that my mental health is in good. To be honest it feels great to not lay in bed for hours while negative thoughts spin around my exhausted brain. I feel truly happy with my life which is something I couldn’t say two months ago.
I should be glad that I’ve made it to this point after struggling for so long. I feel like myself, the most myself I have felt in a while, but I feel like something is missing. My depression is missing, it’s on vacation or something. My anxiety is still here but it does not have as much power controlling me without depression to assist.
Feeling depressed and anxious almost every day for months at a time is my norm. I hate to say it but swimming in my mental illness is my comfort zone because that’s what I am used to feeling. Now that I’m in a period where I’m doing really well, I feel off.
Instead of sitting around waiting for another episode to occur, I’m going to do the things that I struggle to do when I’m depressed. I’m planning to exercise regularly, write more often, clean and spend time with other humans (ok, that one’s a maybe).
If I only get the month of October to feel happy then I better utilize the time I have been given before it all goes away.