It has been one of the weirdest weeks of my life. It was full of depression, sleepless nights, a touch of social anxiety, and triumph in the face of it all–and it is only Friday.
Depression, Sleeplessness, Anxiety, and Triumph
At times there is both darkness and light in this mental illness life. I experienced a bit of both during this week.
After a very sleepless weekend, I entered Monday with hope. I ended up taking a long nap in the middle of the day because of depression, and it really messed up my day. Taking naps is a rare occurrence, but it set the stage for the rest of the week. I was out of sorts, and my productivity was very little. What exaggerated my depression was my lack of productivity. What compounded was that I didn’t know it, but I was in store for one of the wost sleepless nights in a long time.
Sleep eluded me until about five in the morning, and I got about two hours of restlessness and anxiety filled rest (if you can call it that at all.) I had some productivity in my school work, but it was mostly reading my novel for my class. I was exhausted all day and yet the sleepless nights continued.
This was perhaps the worst day of the week. I was listless. I wanted no part of this day that was filled with a missed therapy appointment and another appointment that ended up being pushed to Thursday. It was another lost day, and to be honest, my social anxiety was hitting new levels. So I just gave up (yeah that happens even to me!)
My first day of redemption. I finished a critical appointment and spend a couple of hours writing and studying. It was not the most productive day, but I got my research done which helped move me back in the right direction (I hate research!)
Today I had a plan. Get up. Get some coffee and breakfast and write my paper. Done. I wanted to write a new blog post (almost done.) The rest of my day will be closing out a freelance project (get paid) and then work towards getting ready for some time off Saturday.
I triumphed over the last two days even though my mental illness wanted to control the outcome of my week. I had to make adjustments, and go through some tough days, but right now I feel as if I am back on track.
This mental illness life is funny life that sometimes. I wish that life was always perfection and moving along at a great pace, but the truth is mental illness demands to be heard, it does not mean it has to control your every moment.
I honestly beleive that the struggles make us so much stronger.
Stay strong in the fight, and always…
Always Keep Fighting
P.S. I am so close to publishing my memoir The Bipolar Writer, and I have a great cover artist. Anything you can donate to my publishing memoir would be greatly appriciated.
Please Help me Publish my Memoir
I am almost done editing my memoir “The Bipolar Writer,” and I have decided to go down the self-publishing route. If you can donate anything towards my goal, it would mean the world to me. I am still working towards enough to pay an artist for a good cover. Those that donate will get a special mention in my memoir on a page dedicated to those that made my memoir possible. Thank you in advance!