While there has been a big push to be more open about mental health, suicide, self-harm – so that people can actively seek help, I feel like I’ve already gone too far.
I am too comfortable talking about my suicidal experience.
A question that my psychiatrist asks every time during my visit is – “Is life worth living”?
Typically, I say, “yes” with a weak smile on my face. But this week was different.
I said, “I guess.”
He immediately looked at me and asked, “Why do you say that?”
Once again, I bluntly said, “I don’t have a choice, do I?”
Now, I honestly have no idea why I said those things.
Yes, life is worth living, and I choose to live my life because it is worth fighting for. Despite my daily battle with mental health, there are still good things in life and things to look forward to,
I notice how shocked people get when I ever so easily talk about my own suicidal thoughts, or experiences I had in the past. The typical reaction I get includes looking around side to side, making sure no one is listening or staring and giving me a look with sad eyes asking if everything is okay.
For me, talking about my suicidal thoughts in the past – is such a natural conversation. I am “too” comfortable talking about these things in the public, and I thought it was a good thing.
But now, I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I am scaring others away because I am too comfortable using my “s” word, driving people away from me.
Is there such thing as being “too comfortable” talking about suicide? I don’t know.
Being raised in a culture where people shy away from using the “s” word, I stick out like a sore thumb.
Help. What should I do?