It is always hard to admit–something is wrong in my life, and I am not dealing with it well.
There, I said it. I always want to be strong. I have struggled with social anxiety over the past two years, but I am reaching new levels I am far from comfortable within the moment.
It has been consuming me. I wake up each day with the reality that I have to find a way to survive my social anxiety right now–today. “I can only focus on today.” I wish that were true but my mind wanders, and I think about tomorrow. The future. What does it hold for me anxiety-wise? It is a question that I fail to answer, and so I dwell.
I am supposed to be strong. Some people rely on me, and I feel bad when my social anxiety gets out of control. I am fighting this multi-layered war of self-doubt, anxious feelings, and dread. Will I be able to conquer my social anxiety?
It took me years to get my depression to a manageable level of comfort. I feel as if there is no end to this feeling of constant anxiety. It consumes every waking moment. I wish for moments of peace, where I can just be who I want to be inside and out. I am struggling, and it feels so lonely in this fight. My only solace of late is here and in my writing. I will continue to fight, I always do, but eventually, I need to get to the point where it does not consume my soul.
I am tired. I feel worthless. I feel alone.
Always Keep Fighting
That means so much right now.
James
Works Cited:
Every moment you make it through, is a win. Thank you for sharing so openly. Sending hugs to you. Hang in there.
Thank you. It is the small victories that get me through.
Sometimes the right medication can make all the difference. I used to resent having to take so many medications, until recently. I was having auditory and smelling hallucinations. The right combination and dosage made all the difference. Talk to your doctor to see what he can prescribe you for anxiety. Sleeping is very important as well.
What things relax you, besides writing? Do you listen to music? Draw? Do you have family nearby? Family can be a strong source of support.
Writing is my best therapy but I do meditation as well. I love listening to music and I love to listen to audiobooks or just plain reading is very helpful. When things get get really bad I tend to move away from the things that make me happy. I do have family support but I feel like such a burden because I know I can fight this somehow.
Don’t feel guilty. I know it’s hard. But their support and love can really speed up our healing. If one of your siblings or parents needed help, wouldn’t you do what ever was in your power to make their life better again? Family and love can save us a lot of heartache. I love my family..they have been onboard with me since day one. It also helps to be on here talking with other people who have similar experiences. You won’t feel so alone anymore. We can use our experiences to help others in worse conditions than ours.
Much love,
Chicapoet
Wow. I am rarely floored by a response, but your right I would do anything in my power to help them get better. Thank you Chicapoet!
Right there with you *hug*
Hug back. Stay strong in the struggle.
Everythings gonna be alright. Stay strong. 🤗
Thank you.
Hi there, thank you for your vulnerability. Social anxiety has plagued me since I was a kid.. I have just now (at 24) accepted it. It gets better. If you don’t mind I’ll share two things I’ve found to be helpful. First, find someone you can trust in your social situation and tell them you feel anxious. Isolating your anxiety could make it worse. Second give yourself permission to leave that situation. Perminiately or temporarily. Be kind to yourself and always give yourself grace.. your fight is a little harder than others and that’s ok. 🙂
Thank you for the advice. I will take what you said here and try to apply it. It makes me feel good to know someone has fought the good fight.
Good advice. I like the option of leaving the social situation, even if temporarily. I think that might help with the anxiety I feel in social settings.
I miss going to coffee shops and writing/studying. It was always my safe place but isolation has consumed me of late.
Last week I had a panic attack just before going into a restaurant for a work related social gathering after work. I felt stupid for thinking I could even wade into something like that. I went into a stall in the bathroom and texted with my wife who helped me do deep breathing and get my head in the moment. I felt like she was a an air traffic controller guiding me to a safe landing. I was then able to join the group and fortunately one person I work with who knows my situation greeted me and helped me through the evening. This just reinforced to me the importance of having a circle of people who “get it” and can help during bad days. Keep fighting!
That’s something that I need! A circle of trust.
Not alone! I see you!🤗 Thank you for your words.
I myself use “just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Lol
Very few words has helped me they what you are in. But powered by that mantra…I Keep Fighting.
That has kept me going up to this point, knowing that I can always fight.
I loved how I came across this blog, because friend I am too feeling the exact way. One of the most difficult parts when living with any type of anxiety are questioning the “what if’s” & constantly over worrying the littlest things. I know that place you’re in, I am in that place too. Have been for years. As a mental health aspiring advocate, & who is currently dealing with some issues of my own, the smallest changes make the most impactful ones. Blogs like these inspire me & put a smile to my face, because I know I’m not alone in how I feel, & you should know you’re not alone either. Anxiety is a bitch, but in the end it’s what helps us grow as individuals. Thank you for being open, because it’s not an easy thing to do. Wishing you the best of luck, today & every day & every day that follows!
Thank you Marina, and thank you for your words. It does feel good to not be so alone in all this. Thank you for finding my blog and I hope it will help you out as much as possible in your own struggles. Stay strong.
When my mind wanders and I can’t seem to stop it, I find it helpful to focus on one thing going on this very second, like my breathing and once my mind is solely on that, I might move to the breath traveling through my body and out again. I’d focus on it coming into my lips, feel it through my nostrils, then continue, following it outside of myself.
Sent from my iPad
Mindfulness breathing is very useful. Thank you for sharing. I need to meditate more that is for sure.
Yes, mindfulness breathing has been helpful for me. I just have to be intentional in using it.
I am dealing with that same problem. I have no idea what to do with it. And this stress is literately killing me.
It is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Stay strong in the fight.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling crappy. It’s ok to not be strong all the time and it’s ok to admit you’re not feeling great. I think it takes a lot of courage to do both. Thanks for your openness and honesty and I appreciate your blog. You have a lot of really good content. And please remember, you’re never alone, we’re all in this fight together.
Thanks again,
Jessica
True enough Jessica. Thank you.
I too suffer with anxiety and depression, as well as fear of the future. One thing that I have found really helpful came from a recent film which you may have seen but equally may not have, After Earth (Will Smith) when discussing ghosting and fear with his son “Danger is very real but fear is a choice.” You are looking at the what if’s and you are imagining all the potential bad scenarios and this is filling your mind with the fear of the if’s. I would like to suggest that you think on this for a bit and maybe it will help you as it did me. I hope so anyway. Thanks for sharing, that in itself is a brave thing to do, especially in a world where some take pleasure in causing others pain. Keep up the good work!
It is a great way to look at things. It makes sense. Thank you for sharing.
I’ve learned to take a day at time! Laugh in good days, cry in sad ones, but keep fighting back fearlessly!💪
That sounds like a good approach.
I know those awful feelings. Stay strong and you most definitely are not alone! We’re here! 😊
Thank you.
I know how this feels. When I started seeing a psychiatrist, social anxiety disorder was one of the first things I was diagnosed with. It is hell to live with in many ways. I think mine has gotten so severe over the course of my life I may actually have developed avoidant personality disorder. I wish you the best.
It really can be hell. I though about APD and if I am starting to develop it as well. I wish you the best as well, always.
James, I too have suffered greatly from Social Anxiety. As a matter of fact, I have suffered tremendously with Generalized Anxiety. It’s a tough row to hoe, isn’t it? As a matter of fact, I realized one thing that helps me a lot.
Because I think of myself as some sort of “Super Power” who can “fix” everything, I have to recognize what I have control over and what I don’t. If I don’t have power over something, I have to move onto things that I do but, I don’t have to be “perfect” or “fix” everything.
Breathing, staying in the NOW and breathing are all techniques that I’ve been taught. When put into constant practise, they do help. Are they perfect? Do they solve everything? No…BUT, they do help me to stay in a situation that I’d normally want to flee.
You are the same as everyone else that you fear being around, James. You are no different. All of us have warts, faults and flaws. No one is without them. Were you to be able to get to everyone you fear being around and ask them if they have problems in their lives, you’d not find a soul who doesn’t. The ONLY difference between them and someone like me (per say) is that I worry about it and they don’t. But, every talent, power, strength and more that you have, they all may have less of it because they haven’t had to face the toughness of battling their way through what you have. Remember how strong you really are because of all of that. You’d beat the pants off of someone else…the majority of others that you could meet. You’re not weak. You’re STRONGER than most! Keep that in mind.
Thank you. I forget just how far I have come, and your point is a valid one. There is always someone suffering more than I am, and I have the power to let it control me or not.
it’s hard. like you, i struggle with anxiety and depression. i find that when my depression is under control, my anxiety likes to ramp up. it’s as though the demons are determined to never leave you in peace. thank you for sharing your struggles. anxiety is difficult, it makes everything hard, and cold, and ugly. at least, it makes us believe that’s how things are. like eating disorders, anxiety is a lying bitch. i know you will persevere. keep writing and sharing. blessing and peace today.
Thank you Em. It can be the worst. I conquered for the most depression in my life. I think in time I can fight this, but it is gonna start by making the right changes in my life. I wish you peace as well.
I appreciate your blog and your openness about what you are going through. It has helped me as I work my way out of depression and PTSD. Social settings have been a challenge for me as well. You’re not alone. Keep on fighting and keep on writing!
Thank you. I am happy that my blog is a positive in this world.
You said it. Always keep fighting. Tomorrow is not here. Only today. You are stronger than you know. You don’t have to be brave for others….just take care of yourself. Suzanne
You’re welcome James! 😊😀👍🏻😃
First of all….I just love the way you write. It is truthful, raw and honest. And I like how you use your words, your vocabulary. Second of all, you are not alone. You never are. There are always people who care about you and there are also people who struggle with the same thing and understand. I think you can do this. If you really want to and fight for it you most certainely will. <3 <3 <3
Thank you for your kind words. It helps me get through this tough time.
“You can do anything if you set your mind to it.” as they say, or as Greg says from Over The Garden Wall (:
My mind is set to fighting my social anxiety.
This might sound a little strange and feel free to ignore what I’m going to say but stop ‘fighting’ the depression. Fighting is exhausting, we get hurt in the process and we suffer afterwards, especially if our opponent just keeps on getting right back up again. The more we fight, the more we lose the will to fight because we feel that we’re never going to win. Accept the depression and greet it like someone who is no threat to you but of no real interest either; you may sit together for a while, you’ll listen but not really take any notice and then they’ll leave knowing that there is not point in staying..
As you say, you have come so far and you’re amazingly strong but you don’t have to fight to be strong. Look after yourself and sending virtual hugs :O) x
I have no way of saying anything about this, it is beyond my personal experience, I am merely an observer. But I am encouraged by your resilience and awareness which seem to drive your spirited daily living.
Thank you. I do my best. It helps to share my experiences here on my
Blog.
Hang in there James, more people can relate to how you feel than you may realise 👍🌟 sending lots of good vibes, you can get through this! Everything will be ok, be kind to yourself 💖🌈
I will be kind to myself. I sometimes forget to do just that, but I am learning.