It is always hard to admit–something is wrong in my life, and I am not dealing with it well.
There, I said it. I always want to be strong. I have struggled with social anxiety over the past two years, but I am reaching new levels I am far from comfortable within the moment.
It has been consuming me. I wake up each day with the reality that I have to find a way to survive my social anxiety right now–today. “I can only focus on today.” I wish that were true but my mind wanders, and I think about tomorrow. The future. What does it hold for me anxiety-wise? It is a question that I fail to answer, and so I dwell.
I am supposed to be strong. Some people rely on me, and I feel bad when my social anxiety gets out of control. I am fighting this multi-layered war of self-doubt, anxious feelings, and dread. Will I be able to conquer my social anxiety?
It took me years to get my depression to a manageable level of comfort. I feel as if there is no end to this feeling of constant anxiety. It consumes every waking moment. I wish for moments of peace, where I can just be who I want to be inside and out. I am struggling, and it feels so lonely in this fight. My only solace of late is here and in my writing. I will continue to fight, I always do, but eventually, I need to get to the point where it does not consume my soul.
I am tired. I feel worthless. I feel alone.
Always Keep Fighting
That means so much right now.