I’m Bailey. It’s weird to write that. Yes, that is my name. No, I have not formally told anyone that. I write about my mental illness often. It isn’t a secret and couldn’t be a secret if I tried. I just have this fear of displaying it purposefully to people like I am proud of it. I am certainly not an attention seeker but I find it helpful to write about it because it is a way of acknowledging it.
After feeling like I wanted to be more open with my struggles Purposeful was born. I mostly write anonymously so this is a big step. I write solely from experience and hope to help others who feel alone. Those who are suffering from the same feelings and those who are on the outside with questions they are afraid to ask.
I have Bipolar I. I am not bipolar. I am not my illness. I have an illness. Imagine waking up in a great mood one day and basking in it. You leave to work, are going about your day, and then it hits you. Am I really having a great day? Am I manic? Is this just a really great high? The same can be said for the bad days. Am I just having a run of the mill bad day or is this me tipping into depression? It isn’t just a mental illness, it is a disorder. I don’t know what a normal version of myself looks like.
I don’t want people to feel the way I do, but if you do feel like this I hope you know that you aren’t alone. This is my normal too. In no way am I the standard for mental health. Everyone experiences different things when battling mental illness.
Photo Credit: Matthias Wagner