One Size Does Not Fit All.

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I’m Bailey. It’s weird to write that. Yes, that is my name. No, I have not formally told anyone that. I write about my mental illness often. It isn’t a secret and couldn’t be a secret if I tried. I just have this fear of displaying it purposefully to people like I am proud of it. I am certainly not an attention seeker but I find it helpful to write about it because it is a way of acknowledging it.

After feeling like I wanted to be more open with my struggles Purposeful was born. I mostly write anonymously so this is a big step. I write solely from experience and hope to help others who feel alone. Those who are suffering from the same feelings and those who are on the outside with questions they are afraid to ask.

I have Bipolar I. I am not bipolar. I am not my illness. I have an illness. Imagine waking up in a great mood one day and basking in it. You leave to work, are going about your day, and then it hits you. Am I really having a great day? Am I manic? Is this just a really great high? The same can be said for the bad days. Am I just having a run of the mill bad day or is this me tipping into depression? It isn’t just a mental illness, it is a disorder. I don’t know what a normal version of myself looks like.

I don’t want people to feel the way I do, but if you do feel like this I hope you know that you aren’t alone. This is my normal too. In no way am I the standard for mental health. Everyone experiences different things when battling mental illness.

Photo Credit: Matthias Wagner

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17 Replies to “One Size Does Not Fit All.”

    1. I know it helps me. Neber have i felt understood. Dealing with people drains me so I seclud myself. It also protects me from the the occasional “you’re really bipolar, your crazy” im not bipolar I have bipolar. Nor am I crazy. Just wired special. when my disorder steals my joy and replaces it with instability and confusion i dont want pity sympathy empathy or anything. I just want to hide until I’m what I know to be my normal. In a room full to capacity I could stand in the center and feel alone. I have yet to feel alone here and it feels so good.
      So…. thank you Bailey!

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      1. Again, I only speak from my experiences but I am so lucky to have a few people that I can just say, “I’m in a mood today.”. They know that I don’t mean to be snippy and they also know that sometimes I just need to sit in silence. Find people you can sit in silence with. You shouldn’t have to hide away on your bad days.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. It can be uncomfortable. I think that is why I do it. I want it to be comfortable. If I have to live with it, I may as well embrace it.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Amazing to write with such honesty, I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through but I’m sure you’re helping many people who are going through it. Thank you for sharing your story

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think everyone can relate in someway. I hope that it provides some perspective.

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    1. No, thank you! Thank you for sharing. There is always a tomorrow.

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  2. Thank you for your bravery and sharing. I know exactly what you mean about having a great day and wondering if your brain is messing you.

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    1. pesky brain! Thank you for reading and for your kind words.

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  3. I personally really appreciate you you’ve just gave me and insight of how I’ve been feeling and most of all going through I just can’t believe that “me “ I am going through this don’t wanna to accept it and do want to understand it I sort of confused I get upset when I feel a moment like that happens . Thank you I really needed to hear this cause no one really accepts me for who I am sometimes I think I’m hiding behind a mask Yes you have helped me this evening you’re truly an eye opener thanks for the help and praying for you too

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try to remind myself that everyone has their bad days and that there are some people who have so many bad days that they just call them days. I’ve been working on not calling them bad days but bad moods. My mood doesn’t have to dictate my day and I try not to let it. Do I lose? ALL THE TIME. One bad mood at a time.
      You have control over your day even if you don’t control your moods 🙂

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