Bumps in the Night.

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You know when you are home alone, and every little noise will freak you out? This was not that. I have had this happen. When I was younger, I couldn’t sleep in a room with a tv because I would tell my mom that there were people dancing on it when it was off. Of course, as a child, I was told monsters aren’t real. We all were. Now that I am an adult, I realize that they are in fact very real. It is a topic I have yet to build up the courage to talk about because I am certain it sounds insane. Those bumps in the night can be very real during a manic episode. (Why do they even call it an episode? Feels more like a full series to me.)

My first apartment I was convinced someone was knocking on my door and then running away. I started dosing on pain medication that I would get from friends just to make myself too exhausted to stay awake. I actually hadn’t thought about how long I had gone without being convinced someone was in my house at least once a month. I hadn’t thought about it until it happened again.

I never considered that this could be a part of my bipolar. I never considered that this wasn’t something everyone did. When I told my friend that I didn’t get much sleep because of bumps in the night, she acted like this happens to her. I realize now that everyone gets scared, but I don’t think it is quite as intense.

I am talking up until 4 AM, hysterical crying to the point that I am sick, calling my mother at 28 years old to pick me up, and sleeping for 13 hours because I am exhausted from myself. I was convinced that someone was in my house. I laid in bed for hours knowing my sister was in the next room of the apartment we shared. I was so convinced that I was upset she was going to die because I could not leave my room to help her. I couldn’t leave my room because every time I would walk to my door and try to tell myself this wasn’t real I would break down and run back into bed.

I have scoured the internet in search of confirmation that this is indeed a part of my diagnosis and not something else I will need to medicate for.

Auditory Hallucinations.

Can’t wait to tell my new doctor this one.

Photo Credit: Eric Ward

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19 Replies to “Bumps in the Night.”

  1. When the title popped up on my phone I instantly needed to read this. I went through a period where I experienced the same thing. It started with me being in the shower, and I kept “hearing” things. Then it progressed to where I would lock myself in my room because I was afraid someone was upstairs and going to come into my house and hurt me. I could hear people talking and I would be in the middle of a task then freeze and look around frantically because I heard someone. That mainly happened when I was taking Fluoxetine and smoking marijuana at the same time. Turns out, not a great combo for me. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhhhhh I’ve honestly never had anyone tell me they had something so similar happen. I hate that you had this experience too but really grateful at the same time to have “met you”. No recreational drugs here. I stick to what the doctor gave me these days.

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  2. I have bipolar and hallucinations, both auditory and visual. I have other diagnosis, too.
    It’s not easy to live with and most medication only deals with one or two things. I have so many things to deal with taking medication is like eating breakfast. I’m full afterwards.
    I think this is a big part of my reasoning (excuse) for using.
    The drug make most of my symptoms disappear without having to swallow a hand full of pills. I only take one drug about five times a day. It’s enough to get me through.
    I hope one day to come up with something better.

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    1. I really do hope you are able to find another way to cope. I do understand the thought process though, no argument there. Sending good vibes your way.

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      1. Thanks. I can’t take meds while using and can’t stand being clean without meds. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

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      2. Working in health care I can tell you that it is so important to be honest with your doctor. Start there. You will find a balance. Just hang in there.

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  3. I love how open you are in your posts. That is so refreshing and authentic. I can’t wait to read more !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That means so much! Thank you. I hope that it inspires someone else to be open as they wish.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have bipolar with psychosis and dissociative disorder so like now when my mood are cycling I hear a faint voice usually behind me. Scares the crap out of me every time. I don’t hear vices in my head from the DD so much any more. I’ve gone thru that freaking out cuz I think someone is in my house. I would even lock my bedroom door just to be extra safe. Anyway, your psychiatrist should be able to help you. You deserve to have some peace of mind.

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  5. I know a large amount of people who experience this, though I could not attest to their specific mental health situations. Personally I have anxiety, depression, and OCD w/excoriation but how I relate to this is through something super awesome I have called Exploding Head Syndrome which is something of both a headache and sleep disorder. It causes anything from a sharp whisper to loud booms as one is trying to sleep, sometimes even just as I am trying to relax and unwind. I know I also hear words/talking but they say that is just the brain making sense of a noise it cannot categorize. When I was younger I just thought I it was ghosts. The moral of my story is that you are in no way alone in your experience or your hesitation to talk about it with your professional, and I hope you find some sort of relief soon.

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  6. I guess I’m going to go off base on this topic a bit, but only because I could hear voices since the age of 4. That voice saved my life in 1977. I learned that voice’s name when exploring metaphysical teachings in Cassadaga, FL, and that name was confirmed after a month-long journey to the Wounded Knee reservation in January 1997. The name was engraved on one of the markers for those who had fallen during the massacre there.

    In psychological terms they call is schizophrenia I think, although I am not sure if that has changed. In metaphysical circles, it is a spiritual gift called “clairaudience.” In traditional churches, it is my guardian angel that walks with me to help me keep my sanity. He is a friend, a protector, a healer and a guide and He still walks with me today.

    Just a different perspective to consider for those who feel it is an affliction. I learned a long time ago that the field of medicine doesn’t always have the answers, but they keep people back. May your day be blessed.

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  7. I am not an expert in anything, but I like to read and study. I came across information that might be useful in understanding. Google Dr. Daniel Amen of the Amen Clinics and let me know if this is something that can help others with this issue.

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