Is what I would like to say, but depression still has its ugly tendrils wrapped around me. I find it harder, every single day, to just get out of bed and go to work. As you can probably tell, I haven’t written anything for several months either. Since my last article I have switched through several medications, been up and down on the roller coaster that is depression, but have slowly regained my clarity. Little by little, I feel my former, yet still depressed, self coming back. It’s hard to put into words, but I will try my best. Depression is like a boulder, resting on your chest, slowly crushing you to death. Most people would probably try their hardest to scream for help, or somehow budge the boulder off of them. Me, on the other hand, would just lie there, and let death slowly envelop me. That is the difference between those with depression and those without. Our survival instincts are being overridden by a malfunctioning brain that is telling us that it is just better to die.
Yet, somewhere deep inside of me, I know that I am different than I was when I started to write. The pain is not as sharp as it used to be. By that I mean that my suicidal ideations are not as oppressing as they used to be. I feel like a country that recently gained independence from a tyrannical dictator, but have no idea what to do now, because tyranny is all I’ve ever known. Step number one is obviously find the right medication for me, which I think after the several dozen that I’ve tried, we might have finally gotten at least one of the mix right. Step number two, I want to start writing again, here and on my own blog The Smiles We Bear. I really loved letting all my emotions and knowledge flow onto a page, and have a genuine reaction from readers. I just have barely been able to muster the energy to do just about anything. Nevertheless, I am going to try my damn hardest to really dive back into writing. I’m going to try to start writing at least once a week, both here and on my own blog. Hopefully, you all haven’t forgotten about me, and I still have a place here. If not, you’re welcome to follow me on my blog. I hope that I can continue to help myself, as well as everyone that reads this blog, in the hopes that one day, mental health won’t be such a difficult topic to openly discuss.