Is what I would like to say, but depression still has its ugly tendrils wrapped around me. I find it harder, every single day, to just get out of bed and go to work. As you can probably tell, I haven’t written anything for several months either. Since my last article I have switched through several medications, been up and down on the roller coaster that is depression, but have slowly regained my clarity. Little by little, I feel my former, yet still depressed, self coming back. It’s hard to put into words, but I will try my best. Depression is like a boulder, resting on your chest, slowly crushing you to death. Most people would probably try their hardest to scream for help, or somehow budge the boulder off of them. Me, on the other hand, would just lie there, and let death slowly envelop me. That is the difference between those with depression and those without. Our survival instincts are being overridden by a malfunctioning brain that is telling us that it is just better to die.
Yet, somewhere deep inside of me, I know that I am different than I was when I started to write. The pain is not as sharp as it used to be. By that I mean that my suicidal ideations are not as oppressing as they used to be. I feel like a country that recently gained independence from a tyrannical dictator, but have no idea what to do now, because tyranny is all I’ve ever known. Step number one is obviously find the right medication for me, which I think after the several dozen that I’ve tried, we might have finally gotten at least one of the mix right. Step number two, I want to start writing again, here and on my own blog The Smiles We Bear. I really loved letting all my emotions and knowledge flow onto a page, and have a genuine reaction from readers. I just have barely been able to muster the energy to do just about anything. Nevertheless, I am going to try my damn hardest to really dive back into writing. I’m going to try to start writing at least once a week, both here and on my own blog. Hopefully, you all haven’t forgotten about me, and I still have a place here. If not, you’re welcome to follow me on my blog. I hope that I can continue to help myself, as well as everyone that reads this blog, in the hopes that one day, mental health won’t be such a difficult topic to openly discuss.
Yours,
Wolfgang
welcome.
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Thanks!!
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Welcome back! Happy to see you back here and writing! 🙂
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Glad to be back, look forward to new articles from me
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Very glad you’re here
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Thanks, so am I
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Welcome back! We’d never forget you! You are not a forgettable person! Smiles! Anyway I am glad you’ve finally found a med that is working!
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Yeah, trial and error is the game we must all play. Here’s to hoping we get the rest of the right combo quickly!
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I have also felt that heavy boulder before. That is a great metaphor. Take care and keep fighting.
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Always my friend, never give up
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Welcome back! Hopefully things are starting to look up!
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Thanks! And I hope so!!!
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It sounds like you are making progress. Keep going–it’s hard, but worth it!
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Yes it is, truely
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I certainly recognize much of what you’re saying here. I see a lot of this in me too (though I am done with meds!). I know how hard it can be to try to write anything creative when you’re battling depression. I hope you manage it somehow!
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I’ll try my best!!
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Amen I’m keeping you in my thoughts stay strong ❤️
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Thank you, I will try
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Glad to see your posts coming through my feed again.
I hear, feel and see your pain with balancing meds with your health and hope it all comes together soon for you.
I lost a few months myself as well because of similar reasons but am back feeling better and grabbing life with both hands hoping that life flows like this without any relapse.
Much love 💋
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Welcome back Alan, I simpatice with you as a fellow depression suffer.
✌️❤️
BY FOR NOW
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It’s good to be back, see you soon!
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Amazing! I love this! I am just coming back myself after 72 days away. I haven’t taken the time to read too many blogs but i just started today and I’m very happy that this was the first one! Thank u for sharing ! Its amazing to finally feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing!
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The whole point of my writing is to let people know they’re not alone, glad you feel that way!!
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“Our survival instincts are being overridden by a malfunctioning brain that is telling us that it is just better to die.”
And that, as far as I am concerned, is the end of the story. The problem of depression is physiological and we need to find a medical solution. Having abandoned prozac I am trying out microdosing. So far the jury is out.
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I’ve been through many meds at this point, don’t give up hope!
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Glad to see you back. I can relate to the boulder. Sometimes I feel when I push it off of me it goes uphill and then wants to come back on me. It is a struggle indeed. Thanks for sharing and keep fighting.
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It’s just like that, but sometimes it does get easier, or you get stronger, either way; thanks for reading!
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No matter how long you’re away, you’ll always be welcomed back here.
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Thanks so much!!! It means more than you could know
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You’re welcome and that means a lot to me.
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Welcome back, pseudo internet friend! Glad to see your name pop up in my feed, I’ve missed your writing.
Keep climbing! Just remember we are always here, reaching out a hand if you need help.
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Glad to be back! And I will remember that, thank you 😁
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Sincere and transparent.
“Our survival instincts are being overridden by a malfunctioning brain that is telling us that it is just better to die.”
Relatable and familiar.
Keel writing friend. I have fallen into a similar rhythm. Winter is no help. ♡
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