The past week

The other day I found out that my counselor had to quit her job and her last day is the 20th. she had decided to move on from her job as community mental health professional. I thought that she would at least be my counselor till I was finished with treatment. Although she is changing jobs I’m very upset with her. I have borderline personality disorder (bpd) and i struggle with people just up and leaving me. I’ve had this problem since I was younger. I’ve lost many counselors to changing jobs or insurance not paying for my treatment. I hate losing counselors. I get to become friends with my counselor until the end of my treatment. 

I get connected to my counselors in a professional sense. I can’t become friends with them outside of the sessions we have. I just feel left alone with her leaving me in the hands of another counselor that i haven’t even met. I’m scared that I’m going to clash with my new counselor. I don’t want my case to be left in the hands of someone else. I’m scared that they’ll screw me up worse than I already am. 

On top of all of this I found out last week that my boss was leaving the store I work at to another store in the company. I’m scared and nervous about this too. I’m mostly worried that I’m not going to get along with the new boss. I’m afraid that I’m going to quit or get fired, because I’m screwing something up or because I don’t work well with the new store manager of my store. I don’t want to lose this job. I don’t want to lose my counselor. I don’t want to lose anything.

I feel like they’ve decided to take other jobs to themselves. I don’t mind people wanting to better themselves, but I have BPD and struggle with people leaving me. I don’t want to lose anything or anyone. I especially don’t want to lose any of the professionals in my life. Losing anyone on my team would be devastating to me and I’m losing two people from my team. I’m scared the new people on my team will be snobs or not caring. I’m used to people not caring that are outside of my team. So someone new coming on to my team without the old people telling them what is going on with me is a little scary for me.

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10 Replies to “The past week”

  1. Ask your counselor for her best recommendation for you. He/she knows you well and can often recommend others who they think you will have the greatest success with. Changing counselors really freaks me out as well because I feel like I’m starting from scratch. Change is difficult and scary, but try to stay positive about the change! You never know, maybe you’ll have more success with both of these changes (job & counselor). xo

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  2. It is definitely difficult to deal with situations when your team seems to be shattering. I hope you can find a way to turn the negative thoughts into positive ones–thinking about the opportunity to meet new team members and find out they are maybe different, but still supportive and helpful in different ways. It’s a time when you may be able to explore your life in exciting ways. I hope these changes will be great for you!

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  3. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I got the same thing sprung on me. My counselor took a different job, so all of a sudden – seriously no warning at all – I had a new one. It was a bit daunting, but I get along with my new counselor well. She seems to get me. Hopefully the same will go for you. I also get the not wanting to lose people. I’ve been left by a lot of friends in my life, and at one point I just shut everyone out before they could leave me. It wasn’t quite good for my health. But I struggle still with that feeling of betrayal, so I try maybe too hard to make other friendships work. Or I do the opposite and don’t try so I won’t get hurt when they leave me cause I never got close to them. Not healthy, and I’m trying to work through this. Keep holding on! I know the future is bright, for both of us. Have faith.

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  4. As someone who struggles with Bipolar I, mixed episodes, rapid cycling, I have been there done that. I will be re-blogging this in a couple of days on one of my blogs, but I had a student therapist graduate and she was the best therapist I have ever had. That includes dozens of therapists with a lot more experience. This was years ago and she has yet to start doing therapy as her bank job pays her way more than she would make as a therapist. I am still hopefully she will as she set a high bar for all future therapists and none have yet to get close to meeting it.

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  5. Hey Brianna, I appreciate your candor. Something very important to remember in this situation is that you are seeing this person for your own mental health. If they do not sync with you in your first meeting, you don’t have to put up with it, simply talk to the people at the front desk and say you need a new referral because you do not vibe. Hopefully you do sync up well with the person, but remember you know what feels comfortable for you, do not compromise that. I have GAD and I used to people please because I felt stuck financially or circumstantially, but that only makes the symptoms worse. We may not be able to control other people but we can express our feelings towards them and take it one day at a time. You can do it!

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