Viagra for Mental Illness

My therapist and I once debated what would be the one thing that could change the human race.  Ok, not really but the seriousness of the conversation felt like that.  We asked what would really change the face of mental health and why the mental health industry is taking so LONG to come up with a proper solution.  I, and other people with mental illness, have paid our dues, and  we’re ready for a proper solution for our non-sexually transmitted brain infections.  And me, I want for the brain – a little blue pill – that will stop embarrassing responses to the need to be um, UP for living.  Yes please.  I would like to be performance ready.  I would even come up with a little dance to show the world how ready I was to penentrate this thing we call life.

In developing this pill, we would need to understand what the primary problem is.  And after more than a decade of falling around figuring out what Bipolar is, and the many other ailments of people with mental illnesses close to me, I have come to the conclusion that the primary cause of all mental illness is a terrible, flesh eating feeling called I hate myself.  It permeates our existence, and nothing makes you feel better about it. Medication dims it slightly, but when it overtakes you completely – lets just say you a lot become life impotent and can’t stand up for anything.  In my experience, you can start your day out well, have your coffee and cigarette like a good girl, and then well, life and mental illness.  And whilst you may have several outputs to complete, you will instead lie on the couch (and from personal experience) try to inhale your body weight in sugar, burn the couch while you are asleep – or be awake the whole night, either trying to do too much to feel better or nothing at all, and feel worse because of it as well.  Awesome.

I cannot speak for everyone else, and I don’t know what your experience is.  But what happens most with this emotional impotence, is a constant cycle of not liking myself very much, and well, other things just become less important.  So when I go to hospital, and they ask me do you have less pleasure in daily activities (yes daily), do you still wash (almost rarely) and then, just because these questions are stupid, the answers to rest, I fill out equally stupidlly.  For example: sex: (my pills knock me out so no) and race: (I prefer not to put myself through the additional trauma of exercise, so um, DUH, no).  Yes.  I am already emotionally impotent.  Do not make fun of it, or ask me stupid questions, when well, it is hard.  Excuse the pun.

Honestly though friends, I am tired.  Tired of something that makes you want to climb out of your body.  Out of your head.  And I have never found a successful way to do that.  Or a way that’s good for your health, and well let’s not do anything that decreases that.  Instead I issue a challenge to the world – to the mental health industry – to please, please come up with a solution that helps THIS. This vortex of hate myself that needs emotional viagra the most.  Until then, I will be living, loving and eating liquorice on the couch.  Be part of those who support us as opposed to those who don’t.  I am 4M’s Bipolar Mom.

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24 Replies to “Viagra for Mental Illness”

  1. I’m not sure it’s that high up in the governments and drug company thinking plans – such short sightedness. In the UK mental health still feels like the Cinderella Service. Underfunded and first to be cut. We occasionally get some kind words and loose commitment to prioritise – but nothing happens. That’s why it still takes kids months even years or never to get access to specialised support. But we can hope. Yes I would happily trial the what ever coloured pill they come up with.

  2. I hope, when they do get to develop that blue pill that it is safe for lactating and breastfeeding moms like me. <3

  3. Hi 🙂 I can’t help but want to share something with you (and anyone else reading this comment). I have absolutely been where you are describing you are in this post, hating myself into hating myself more. But, I learned something throughout my college studies that helped me a little. It started when I learned that experts in the field of disability studies view disabilities not as a result of issues with a person’s… um… person, but as a result of society not adapting to that person’s needs. After all, any floor of a building of any height can be accessible to anyone if there is an elevator. I thought, maybe this could be applied to mental illness. And, it can! I have also studied how many cultures cope with mental illness and have discovered that Asian cultures are some of the best at dealing with it. This is because they often view mental illness as a social problem, not an internal one. When someone in the community is struggling with a mental illness, a large number of people (in some places, the entire community) will stop to help that person with whatever they need. People are there to support each other. And, in areas like this, the rates of mental illness and relapse are some of the lowest in the world. So, while I am not here to say that mental illness is never wholly or partially an internal issue, I am saying that some of what makes coping with it so hard is just that our society does not address the needs of people with mental illness. After all, many “mental illnesses” have been traced back to genes that were beneficial to the evolution of our species. So, keep that in mind before you beat yourself up too much for being mentally ill or tell yourself that you’re broken.

    1. Thank you. This means alot and I agree… However, there is so much “internal strife” that can’t just be made easier by others. And that’s what I want the blue pill for! Thanks for your message and support. ❤

  4. Hugs to you!
    My hubby suffers from Bi Polar, and I suffer from Anxiety disorder…it is tough…but we have some really wonderful and caring doctors here, who go out of their way to help us when in need. I so hope you find the support you need.
    You are a brave woman. Please, don’t beat yourself up for what you are suffering from. It’s not the only thing that defines you. You are much more than your mental illness. Trust me.. I have seen my hubby rising above it all and making his life much better. And, if he can, I am sure so can anybody.
    Take care!

    1. Thanks so much. The inside stuff I can usually manage… Its when people are horrid that I can less. Strength to you and your husband. ❤

  5. This was such a good post! Not only did it catch me by surprise and make me laugh (it’s a fantastic analogy), but it also had such an important message to it. Dealing with mental illness, even if you’re on treatment, can be exhausting.

    1. Yes it is. And girl I could do with a blue pill, I really could. A one tablet fixes all… Until then wr have each other. ❤

  6. I could sure use that pill right now! Why is it that when you have a window open and are enjoying your life for the first time in a long time that someone can’t stand to see you happy and they make you feel inadequate again. Others offer encouragement and praise, but that one person who discourages takes up more of your time and self?

      1. Thank u for making my heart smile

      2. Thanks for making my mouth laugh. I admit that I saw your title and thought, “Uh-oh. This is what comes of James relinquishing control…” 😉

      3. Wow. Making me feel the most bad.

      4. My impotence needs to be resolved. Lol. ❤

  7. I find that if I am in a bad state, exercise makes it WORSE. But that’s not what’s in the textbooks so doctors don’t believe me. Going to the gym, while being in a funk of depressive paranoia and forcing myself to walk on the treadmill sets
    Me back a few days.

    1. I have similar issues with my sleeping schedule. My innate circadian rhythm tells me that I should sleep from 8am to 4pm and is very resistant to change. My therapists always tell me to just stick to a schedule and it will adjust. But, I have kept schedules for a month and a half before and still felt groggy and tired. My doctors don’t believe me, though.

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