Today I sit and wonder what things would be like if i didn’t have a mental illness. I think about it’d be different if I didn’t have them. Although I remember I wouldn’t be me without them. Even though I hate my disorders they make me myself. I would feel lonely without the voices in my head. I would feel bad for the people in my life. they wouldn’t be able to say that they knew an incredible person. I feel like everything would be simpler without the disorders, but having them makes me an interesting person. I wouldn’t have you guys listening to me if I didn’t have these disorders. You guys have inspired me to write day after day. To be honest if it wasn’t for and my support group i wouldn’t be here today.
I think about what makes me me. I wouldn’t like myself if I didn’t have these disorders. I know you probably think that I’m a complete mess. I am . I’m not going to deny it. I’m tired of hiding from my family, friends, and work. I’m hiding the dark reality of how the disorders affect me. I’m scared of what they’ll think about me. So I hide from everyone. sometimes I don’t know what to think about the world anymore. It seems like the world is just getting darker and darker. Although i see mostly in black and white; I’m starting to see in shades of grey.
thank you for listening,