Anxiety’s Lies

Why is it so easy to believe the negativity anxiety pours into my mind?

At the moment, my anxiety has taken the form of a dark storm cloud in my mind that is off in the distance. Each day getting closer and closer, like waiting for an impending doom. I stare out into this imaginary sky with a racing heart and the feeling that all of my organs have contorted into a knot.

What does this storm cloud mean? What horrible thing is on its way? What did I do wrong to create this storm cloud in the first place?

I worry and worry that my life is going to be turned upside down by this imaginary cloud in my mind. That the rain will start pouring with no end in sight, I will drown in my own imaginary realm.

My anxiety has taken the reigns of my brain and it is not giving them back.

Very rude!

In this magical holiday season I am trying to find positivity but I’m having trouble holding on to it. It’s like water, I grab it but it slips through my fingers.

It is mainly because anxiety telling me all sorts of shit like: “Something awful is coming your way, Megan. Better watch out!” and “Your boyfriend says he loves you but are you sure he does? You two have been getting along really well for months, that can’t last for too much longer.”

Anxiety is a shitty fortune cookie that I wish I could throw in the trash.

I hold on to those thoughts, no matter how negative or impossible the worry is. I keep them close to my heart even though it only weighs me down. I have no actual reason to believe my brain but I do.

The strain on my body from the anxiety makes it all the more real. My worries feel real even though I have no actual proof that there’s something bad headed my way.

My anxiety knows what to say to make me freak out, it comes straight for my throat. Anxiety never shows mercy.

I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow morning so I am hoping that her and I can sort this all out.

Happy Holidays everyone! I appreciate everyone who has read, skimmed, liked or commented on my posts since I joined this massive family here! I’m so happy to be here and be able to share my experiences and encourage my fellow writers.

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9 Replies to “Anxiety’s Lies”

  1. I have trouble dealing with my anxiety in the same sort of way, unfortunately I haven’t found a way to negate its terrible effects. I wish you luck with your therapist though, I hope all goes well!!

    1. I haven’t either. It’s hard to think clearly when there is a lot of negativity buzzing around. Thanks and Happy Holidays, Alan!

  2. I have the same issues with my anxiety and it’s pretty much all over. It’s like a shitty fortune teller and a hurricane all in one for me. I can never get over the fact that it’s there but I have learned to radically accept that it is there and not going to go away forever. I appreciate you writing this for us and I hope that your appointment goes well.

    1. Accepting that your anxiety will probably be with you forever is an incredibly strong thing! Brianna, I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post, I am filled with joy! Thank you!! Happy holidays!

  3. Oh how I can relate! It’s so intrusive, it’s very negative, it’s the grinch!!!! It’s pretty exhausting isn’t it? The constant or sudden appearance always makes me have an internal fight with myself. I want to resist it but can’t. For me, I often have a hard time communicating clearly when it happens so then I sound like a blubbering mess and it feels like no one gets it, no one understands so then I’m over explaining and only furthering the anxiety. It’s equally embarrassing sometimes too when it’s a more outward outburst rather than my typical brain overload of thoughts. I’m glad you have an appointment! Mines Thursday and it can’t get here soon enough!

  4. Anxiety is a terrible grip on us that will not let go…Good, you have a therapist… hope the session is fruitful.
    Happy holidays.

    1. It is hard to untangle the grip of anxiety. Thank you, Kegregory! It went really well 🙂 Happy holidays to you too!

  5. Anxiety sucks. I’m constantly anxious (to the point of being anxious that I’m not anxious enough). I’m glad your appointment went well. Hope the holidays bring some relief 🙂

    1. I feel you, I get that way too. I get anxious about not being depressed. Thank you! I hope that holidays are a lovely time for you as well!

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