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Some days, I look at the people around me, and those that I idolize on the internet, and I’m met with fierce jealousy and envy. I look at these people, and it appears to me, that they have everything going for them. They are making progress in their lives, while I am just stuck where I am, spinning in circles, praying for it to end. It seems that all I can do is stare at these people and wonder how they got where they are. Of course they worked really hard for it, but they were rewarded for their hard work. I work hard, very hard, at almost everything I do. I give every ounce of myself that depression doesn’t steal from me into the things that I do, and yet I never receive anything in return. It might be that depression steals these things from me before I can even realize what I have. That may be the case in my instance, as I never truly am able to appreciate what I’ve accomplished. There is so much that I want to do with my life. I want to become an accomplished writer, I want to become a video game streamer, or a YouTube star. It seems that the more I want, the less I get. Which makes sense if you think about it. The more that I am spread out, the less attention that I have to give to things I truly want. Yet, recently, I’ve wanted nothing more than just to write. My brain seems to be against this idea, as it is constantly changing the flow of ideas in my head. Some days, I can write tons of articles, stories, and everything else under the sun. Other days, I can’t squeeze a single word out of my brain. Today is one of those days, where the faucet is turned completely off. I have been trying to write for the entire day and have been barely able to write a decent paragraph.
Back to the point, I see all these people doing so much with the life that they have. They are out there doing all the things. Yet, here I am, behind a keyboard, struggling to get anything done. Depression has taken almost everything away from me. I so badly just want to get over this. I want to be able to be like everybody else. I want to be able to say that I did something more than just lay in bed all day, typing away, with nothing to show for it. I sometimes feel like the things that I want are just too far away from me. That nothing is really within my grasp. That is the secret to depression that many don’t talk about. Depression takes away your hope, your dreams and your aspirations. Depression does nothing but take. I just want to be able to say that I made it, anywhere but here. I know that I’m beginning to ramble, and probably have been rambling for some time now. I thank you for taking the time to read this heap of words that I was able to drain from my brain. Hopefully, in due time, my creativity will return, and I’ll be able to write things that I’m proud of again.