Depression Takes Everything

Be sure to follow my personal blog too!!: The Smiles We Bear


Some days, I look at the people around me, and those that I idolize on the internet, and I’m met with fierce jealousy and envy. I look at these people, and it appears to me, that they have everything going for them. They are making progress in their lives, while I am just stuck where I am, spinning in circles, praying for it to end. It seems that all I can do is stare at these people and wonder how they got where they are. Of course they worked really hard for it, but they were rewarded for their hard work. I work hard, very hard, at almost everything I do. I give every ounce of myself that depression doesn’t steal from me into the things that I do, and yet I never receive anything in return. It might be that depression steals these things from me before I can even realize what I have. That may be the case in my instance, as I never truly am able to appreciate what I’ve accomplished. There is so much that I want to do with my life. I want to become an accomplished writer, I want to become a video game streamer, or a YouTube star. It seems that the more I want, the less I get. Which makes sense if you think about it. The more that I am spread out, the less attention that I have to give to things I truly want. Yet, recently, I’ve wanted nothing more than just to write. My brain seems to be against this idea, as it is constantly changing the flow of ideas in my head. Some days, I can write tons of articles, stories, and everything else under the sun. Other days, I can’t squeeze a single word out of my brain. Today is one of those days, where the faucet is turned completely off. I have been trying to write for the entire day and have been barely able to write a decent paragraph.

Back to the point, I see all these people doing so much with the life that they have. They are out there doing all the things. Yet, here I am, behind a keyboard, struggling to get anything done. Depression has taken almost everything away from me. I so badly just want to get over this. I want to be able to be like everybody else. I want to be able to say that I did something more than just lay in bed all day, typing away, with nothing to show for it. I sometimes feel like the things that I want are just too far away from me. That nothing is really within my grasp. That is the secret to depression that many don’t talk about. Depression takes away your hope, your dreams and your aspirations. Depression does nothing but take. I just want to be able to say that I made it, anywhere but here. I know that I’m beginning to ramble, and probably have been rambling for some time now. I thank you for taking the time to read this heap of words that I was able to drain from my brain. Hopefully, in due time, my creativity will return, and I’ll be able to write things that I’m proud of again.

Yours

Wolfgang

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24 Replies to “Depression Takes Everything”

      1. Anxiety takes sleep from me. I also suffer from Bipolar. And like you, I put these moods to creative works. If I am melancholy, I write something depressing. If I am uplifted, I write something analytical.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. You forget that you have come so far. I have been reading your blog for over a year and I can see positives. Your Bipolar Blog has done so well and given a chance for so many to share. You have managed school and the writing on your memoir. Think of what you have done. What we want to do comes in trickles. Don’t dwell on the things that are ahead. You only have today and the path you have followed in the last year. You have done much!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This actually isn’t my blog, I’m just an author here. This is James’ blog, where as mine is smileswebear.com . It’s not my memoir either, that’s james’ too. It’s alright though, I’ve been told we have a similar writing style

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  2. It’s a waste of energy to compare ourselves to anyone else. You are not them. You are the one and only unique you. I know from working with students, how difficult it is to see your own strengths. I like your writing style, your words will resonate with lots of people. Try to end your day by writing 3 positives from your day even if its only a nice cup of tea, a good shower or another day at work completed. Look back at how far you have come!

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      1. I know…it’s just so hard some times, just easier to stay in bed haha. Really though, thank you very much for caring, you’ve made me fill just a little better today

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Easier, especially on wintry mornings! All we need is to know somebody cares and has our corner! Glad to have helped, even a little! Keep writing!

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    1. I ❤ this reply so much. Comparing myself in every step to others is a vicious cycle that I'm trying hard to break. Otherwise, it's putting me in serious depressive mode. Thank you for writing this. And Alan, you're not alone. Many of us are on the same boat. ❤ to you.

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      1. Hhank you so much for your lovely comment! We can’t compare an apple to an orange…two very different things, yet we waste energy and become our own bully when we compare ourselves to others, finding ourselves lacking…when really we’re just individual, unique and a one off! It’s much more positive to compete against ourselves. Push our thoughts from negative to positive, push our time outdoors daily from 10 minutes to 20 and so on. Stay in touch and keep writing!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That are some really beautiful and uplifting words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Have a wonderful year ahead. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand. I spent too many years in that place. Therapy has done wonders for me. I just completed a module on self-esteem. I was able to resolve many issues that kept me in depression. Look for the positives in every day. That is so hard to do because depression gathers the negatives. One positive is that you did write this blog post. It may not be what you would have liked, but you did it. Look for all of the little things and write them down so that you can see some positives in your day. Did you take all of your meds and eat well? That is a positive. Everything we do to take care of ourselves is a positive to write down. Look up “cognitive distortions.” Those are examples of unreasonable thoughts you have about yourself. My blog post entitled Thinking About Thinking is an example of this. I invite you to stop by my blog to find a bit of help (self-helpfordepression.com) I will give you support anytime!! We all can stick together and find ways to defeat the things that keep us from being our best self. Peace be with you.

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  4. To read this and know that there are people who go through exactly what I feel like makes me feel want to cry and laugh at the same time. I am thanking my Lord above to have made me get this blog post as I am weeping now, reading this with all my heart mushing up into a big emotion. I don’t know what to say and that’s okay, sometimes that’s awesome. Thank you, seriously for your blogs.

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  5. I am struggling so much lately. I do write my blog every day now. It is the one thing I am trying to be consistent at. Otherwise I am a whirlwind of chaos.

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      1. I did that basically for the past five years and I realised that I need to force myself to write something. So I started writing again about 1001 Albums. It keeps me focused.

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