I must walk through a door once again on this journey— a door to a new psychiatrist.
It seems that change is always in store for me, and to end 2018 that has not changed much.
I have not written in a while here on The Bipolar Writer blog, because it has been a rough couple of weeks. My life has hit a rough patch with my social anxiety, which is typical of this time of the year. December seems to always be my worst month when it comes to my anxiety. There was hope at the start of 2018 that by now I would have a grasp on my social anxiety. It hasn’t happened though I have made some progress.
I recently met with another psychiatrist in the revolving door that is my local county run behavioral, mental health system. It is a pain in the ass to once again share my story with another psychiatrist. This is the third doctor change this year which continues the long tradition of changing doctors 2-3 times a year. I wish that I could find some normalcy in the system, but it makes sense. Doctors come and go in this business.
That brings me to the recent pull away from creativity because of my mental illness–my writing. The last two weeks the need that drove me all summer to finally put the finishing touches on my memoir, to continue to grow my blog, and start new projects has eluded me.
What I like to call this part of my mental health life is when creativity and mental health collide. Three times over the past two weeks I sat in front of my computer ready to take on the world. I sat there, in front of my computer staring off into the blank nothingness on the screen. What did I have that was so important to share on my blog? My mind was reeling. So much was happening and this was the place where sharing my story was so easy.
I tried to move on from blogging and write a new chapter in my memoir (recently I thought that it might be a good idea to add some chapters to my story.) My mind was drawing a blank. My anxiety was peaking, and it was impossible to make the words that usually come so easy to make sense. I decided to walk away for a few days. I considered never blogging again. I have blogged so much over the past year that it felt as if I had nothing left to say.
True enough, that was my mental health talking. It happens when my mental health and my creativity collide. I love blogging here on The Bipolar Writer blog. It means the world to me. I have so much more to talk about on every subject under the moon. It was a momentary weakness that I fought hard and won. I will be writing a lot of upcoming content for this blog. It is so important that we stick together and fight the stigma.
Stay strong in the fight.
Always Keep Fighting