Today while I was drinking my coffee I was thinking about how far I’ve come since I was 16. I used to become very violent at random times during the day. Now I just get violent when things have become too much for me to handle at home. ALthought I have learned to notice it before it becomes a problem. No matter what I do though things tend to become a bit hairy at points. I don’t have as many panic attacks anymore. My anxiety is more or less under control. Plus I’ve grown as a person. I was never really an outgoing person. I just tend to follow my favorite person around, because I’m afraid to be alone. When I i think about the year i was 16 a lot of stuff happened comes to mind. I told my mom that i wa raped. I was handed the keys to a car that was never put in my name. I dumped a guy. I had decided to move in with my dad, but didn’t actually do it till i was 17.
No matter what had happened though I became a stonger person and more able to handle the world around me. I had become smarter than to trust a family member. I learned not to trust my little brother. Although through all of this I was expecting to become a spokeswoman for the mental health community and travel the world. No one told me to not have big dreams. Although IF any of you know me outside of this blog then you know my other dream was to become a psychologist. No I haven’t given up on that dream i just want to study things about horses first. I plan on going to meredith manor this fall.
My parents divorced when i was 5. That was when things went down hill. My parents both turned to destructive vices. They never truly accepted me for who i was. Plus, now that i think about it my dad never will. My mom mostly has accpeted me for who I am , i have a husband, his family, and my dogs who accept me for me. I’ve had friends over the years come and go. I’ve had a few stay by my side even through me leaving them countless times. Little have i realized theat I really needed them. There are days that I go without talking to anyone and all I do is sit and listen to the world around and inside me. I can’t help it I just feel the need to listen sometimes. Now I just look around and imagine things from someone else’s perspective.
thanks for listening,