I’ve always had trouble sleeping, since I was a little kid. My father used to tell me to just close my eyes and lay there, that eventually that would have me fall asleep. It was easy for him to say, as that worked almost instantly for him, every single time. Yet, it never seemed to work for me, ever. Because of my inability to sleep well, I have never been a morning person. Each and every day that I woke up, in general, just meant to me that I had to struggle through another day. Thanks to depression, my sleep was stolen away, as were my reasons to get out of bed. I think that is why I rarely ever say good morning. When I have to obligatorily respond to people who wish me a good morning, I will usually just respond, “Morning”. As the morning for me is never good, I didn’t sleep enough, or I don’t feel like living. Mornings are generally rough for me, even after I started taking medications to sleep. I usually look for drowsiness as a side effect in my meds, so that I can take them all at night in the hopes that getting to sleep will be easier. While getting to sleep, with the meds, has indeed gotten easier, I seem to have found a new problem that is affecting my sleep. I am waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes numerous times a night. Luckily I can usually get back to sleep pretty easily, only if I wake up in the middle of the night. If I wake up, say around the time I’m actually supposed to get up, I’ll just stay up and lose that hour or so of sleep. I’ve written an article about how sleep is one of the most important things for fighting depression, and it’s just simply the truth. Sleep is one of the first things that depression will take away from you, because of how important good sleep is. Needless to say, if I don’t get good sleep, than my morning has no chance of being good. I’ve always been a very literal person like that. I guess it’s my secret way of letting people know that there’s something wrong with me. Yet to this day, I’ve never been asked why I didn’t say good in good morning. So I guess either people don’t care enough, or they don’t understand that I’m leaving out good on purpose.
Also as a quick side note, I’m going to be starting ECT treatment in a month or so, and will be detailing my treatment on my personal blog The Smiles We Bear so go an follow me to never miss an update!