2019 and Me

2019

I try not to put much emphasis on the new year but this year seem a bit different. Setting resolutions is not my style but I have set three goals for myself as well as a word. All of it surrounds the discovery of self. I stumbled into my forties in December of 2018 and am surprised I made it this far. Life as a bipolar alcoholic hasn’t been without struggle and pain.


If 2018 taught me anything it was that I have not a clue who I am. Where I start and my illnesses end. Simple things such as what I love, my style, my individual identity, my voice have been masked by pain and were once drowned by alcohol. As I peep forward into 2019 I foresee pain yet with life-changing results. I will follow the intuition that I have ran from my entire life. Stepping out of myself to volunteer my time to the less fortunate will play a huge role in my new year.

Something I have always craved is understanding. How can I convey my truth and my story without knowing who I am? That has become my mission; find me. Forgiving myself and others will help boost my confidence and allow me to shake that heavy energy. I have felt a continual pull towards giving of myself to others and 2019 is the year this will happen. My plan is to give of myself in hopes of finding myself. If nothing I will have contributed to my community.

revengeofeve.com/

The opportunity of working with local sex workers has opened up for me and I am excited to give it a go. While I have never been a sex worker myself I share similar qualities to those in this area of work. Yes will be my go-to for helping others in need but no for those close to me. Sounds a bit backward but I find that those close to me aren’t in need, they are in want. Hell, I want it all but the reality is I can’t have it and so I say no to them. It will be a big change and difficult I am sure but all will be fine.

I set no expectations on 2019. I will follow lead. My heart’s lead. I want to learn to love and not feel ashamed that I do. I want to embrace what my soul desires. And I will. No matter how awkward it is. I will follow. I am going to paint, write, and believe in myself. And if I fall, I will rise stronger than before!! If I can do it, anyone can.


Six years ago I was drunk sleeping in my truck in an unfamiliar Wal-Mart parking lot. I was kicked out of three sober living homes and considered myself worthless. Well, in my pit of despair and at the bottom of a gallon of vodka I decided I was worth something. Now it is four years later and I am three years and nine months sober seeking that something. One lesson I have learned is that life requires time. Time to prepare, time to believe, time to heal and time to forgive. My journey will not be in vain. I will be patient with myself this coming year and I will have more compassion for others.

revenge of eve
revengeofeve.com

If you are interested in following my journey, please do! I have completely revamped my site. I deleted all of my old content, bought my domain, upgraded my plan and look forward to recording my journey at revengeofeve.com.


With confidence I created my own niche and will blog about a variety of topics but of course mental health plays a huge role in my life and serves as the basis of all I do. Embracing my truth and learning to live will be my legacy. Do you know yours?

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17 Replies to “2019 and Me”

  1. Loved this. I’m so happy you are finding yourself. I think once you find yourself you will learn how beautful and amazing you really are!!! When you help others essentially you are helping yourself. You have to learn how to F.L.Y. before you can fly. F.L.Y. – first love yourself. You are awesome Eve and I can tell you are going to have a great 2019. You are ready and you deserve it. Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the sweet and encouraging comment. I truly felt your words. I will have to dig under the ruble but I won’t stop until I emerge. Thank you once again. Happy New Year ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Forgiveness is key. Forgive others and you’ll learn to forgive yourself.

    I think you are right, we all need to come to terms with who we are and the best way to do that is to give without expecting anything in return. You’re also right to say that there is a difference between need and want. That’s definitely something for me to take away from your post. What do I just want and what do I really need?

    Thank you for this, it’s much appreciated!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy New Year to you my dear friend. I have always been very proud of you because you are meant for great things to happen. Discovering ourselves is a tough endeavor, but CAN be done. I have plenty of faith in you to accomplish anything you put your mind to. Love you! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

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