In the past few days, I’ve been trying to avoid getting on social media. Why? Because of FOMO (aka. Fear of missing out). Posts after posts, everyone was posting how great their 2018 was and how they can’t wait to see what 2019 has for them.
But for me, most of 2018 sucked.
Don’t get me wrong – there were many joyful moments in 2018 (including starting a blog), making new lifelong friendships and finding victory over my mental health.
But, it was by far the most painful year I have experienced in my short 23 years of life.
2018 was a monumental year for my mental health. It took a big turn, which led me to ALMOST being hospitalized, got me to a psychiatrist’s office and started medication. I am grateful for having the resources that I have to be treated and have the support to keep on fighting. But I just can’t get over the fact how drastically things changed from where I was a year before.
While everyone seemed to be reminiscing over their wonderful 2018, I was reminiscing over my painful, heart breaking sad moments of 2018. Every time I looked at someone else’s post on how great their year was, I felt like I was missing out on life. I instantly wanted to blame my “defective brain” for missing out on life.
However, I know that is not true.
I know my FOMO is another layer my mental illness is casting over me, and I am not letting that happen. And that is why, I am confessing my FOMO here so I can move on from the past and look towards the future.
2018, you have been great but you also sucked. You gave me so much joy but you also gave me overflowing amount of pain.
2019, I hope you have more sympathy for me. Please.