The Start of Something New

Last week was the worst week for my mental health in 2019. The great thing about the start of a new year is that you can always find a way to reinvent yourself.

I gave myself a break this past weekend. My depression and insomnia reached new levels. My anxiety and panic attacks decided to make an appearance. All in all, it will be a forgettable week. I stayed in bed way too much and felt hopeless for the first time in forever. The doubt crept in, and I found myself drowning (metaphorically speaking, I can’t swim so if I actually drowned there would be no blog post.)

It was a tough week, but there were some positives in my week. I outlined the entire plot of my next novel (this will be a fantasy fiction/supernatural series.) I am starting to figure out the characters, plot points, where I am going with exposition, rising action, and I even figured out how my novel ends and how the second novel in the series will start. I wrote the ending to my entire series.

Although I had to write some of it from the comfort of my living room it was writing–it was real and it helped me get through some bad depression.

I am changing my routine. Earlier wake up. Adding coffee back into my life (it has been five months of just tea). I am journaling twice a day, working out an hour a day, and scheduling mindfulness meditation between my school work and writing. I am working on characters this week and if all goes well I could start writing my new novel in the coming weeks.

I got some rejection letters from for my screenplay these past few days, but I am staying the course. Rejections are just a part of the process. What I hate is that you need connections in the film industry to really get someone to read your work. All I can do is keep sending letters, and enter as many screenwriting contests as I can afford. Maybe one of my query letters will be looked at by an agent, and he/she would sign me.

Unfortunately, my memoir is on hold. I am not sure if I am ready to publish or if I need to pay a professional to edit to make it perfect. I consider myself okay at editing. I might consider beta readers. For now I am putting the project away for a couple of weeks and then I will come back to it when my head is in a better place.

I consider today a new start. Day one. The beginning of something new. I am hoping waking up at 6am and to work non-stop will finally make me tired enough to sleep through the night. I am hoping for the best. Stay strong my friends.

Always Keep Fighting

James

My GoFundMe

https://www.gofundme.com/rasing-to-upgrade-the-bipolar-writer-blog

Now, I had to use my real name for this (I write under my pseudonym James Edgar Skye) so don’t be surprised by the name–David TC. Also, this allows me to show how much has been donated (I will give the running total at the end of the post.

We have raised $135! That is amazing.

We are still short of our goal of $325, the cost of the upgrade for a year. If we raise enough, I’d like to upgrade for the next two years (which totals $435.) If you can donate it would mean the world to me, if not I understand. 100% of what is raised will stay with the blog and only used to upgrade.

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24 Replies to “The Start of Something New”

  1. James,
    It’s so hard on days when it seems like you just can’t climb out of a hole. I know what it’s like to just have your brain turn on you and to feel hopeless and panicked. But it sounds like you’re really taking the steps needed to get back on the right track! I myself am dedicating this entire semester of school to my mental health, and I’m doing many of the same things! Just keep going! We’re all here for ya!
    Georgia

  2. You are going to get through it. I’m sure of it ✨🙏 Take care. I can feel you. The good thing is that we can always start over every day.

  3. Thank you for sharing. I am now exploring my diagnosis (borderline personality), which I had buried under life events for the past 6 months. It’s a difficult journey and now, while I understand what’s going on a bit better, I am fighting panic attacks regularly and have had a dismal start to 2019 in the mental health department. I stay focused on my blessings and am forever busy working two jobs to try and cope overall. Weeks like you have described above…me too. Keep fighting.

  4. I just got over a bad week myself and I’m figuring to rework my first novel. I like it but I also don’t like it at the same time. I’ve poured a year into it but I’m thinking it needs some more time in the oven. Not sure. I’ll work on a better outline.

  5. I know sometimes our minds get overloaded with stimuli from work, study, thinking, writing, adding to that any feelings of doubt, anxiety, stress overload we put on ourselves or deal with in the environment -so it is okay to take a break from it all and rest to restore and recuperate. Our minds can let us know when it’s too much and it doesn’t mean we are a failure or get sidetracked into thinking of quitting even. Hey, for you James, it takes time to write the way you want and desire to finish quality works. Be kind and gentle and patient with yourself… I know you know this, but sometimes we need reminding… May your weeks ahead be better than this last one… Balance that with still being diligent: Take your time and keep plodding along…
    The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. Proverbs 21:5

  6. It sounds like you didn’t allow yourself a break at all. Maybe changing your sitting position felt like change but James I am in the midst of allowing myself to just be and it involves absolutely nothing. No writing, no creating and no thinking. By no means is this easy but I believe you must give it a go to avoid burnout. I am happy all you developed as far as a new book goes but I recommend sitting without any distractions, eyes closed and actually paying attention to breathing. It has really began to center me with my thoughts and decrease the frequency of my depression phases. I am here if you have any questions.

      1. Definately try the beta readers before you send it to an editor. I’d be interested in being one. Great that you have a new routine in place. Stay positive! Always keep fighting!

  7. Sounds like you got loads done despite feeling so bad. Sometimes we need to give ourselves more brownie points. 2019 is going to be a big year I feel.

  8. It sounds like you have a lot of irons in the fire, as they say. I am glad you find such a good outlet for your creativity and your mind state. I know how crippling depression can be so it is especially commendable that you’re able to do anything at all, let alone all the stuff you manage to do. I wish you luck and hope for the best as you move forward with your projects. Stay strong, man!

  9. You don’t have to be perfect every day. The days that you succeed a bit, or a bit more, are a triumph. Enjoy them for what they are. Don’t forget to go outside for 5 minutes every day to smell the roses (or freeze your nose off). Cheers.

  10. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Sometimes our routines aren’t enough to keep us completely afloat but you sound like you have some good habits in place and are still keeping up with the load. I find that that is half the battle, so you’ve already accomplished so much. I am also bipolar and a novelist (though a hobby one, I have not attempted to be published yet). It’s fascinating how much of my writing progress is intertwined with my mood swings.

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