The Ups & Downs of Being Mentally Ill

I have not written on here for a while because of how up and down my mental health has been. Especially over the past week, I have had some really low days. On Saturday I couldn’t get out of bed,  shower or muster the energy to open Netflix to watch a movie to calm my anxiety.

My first post on here was about how my mental health was in a good place. For months I felt really good! I didn’t have any suicidal thoughts or urges to hurt myself in any way. I had energy, I felt that things were finally going my way.

Sure I still had my depression and anxiety but I felt that I was in control instead of them controlling me.

Then all of a sudden the tables turned (or the turn tables, if you’re a fan of The Office).

My brain decided to tell me all sorts of horrible things it knows will make me fall to my knees. It went from whispering to shouting in the last few days that the world would be better without me in it. That nobody at all would miss me but rather breathe a sigh of relief.

Writing that out makes me cringe but from reading the posts on here, I know I’m not the only person who is feeling or has felt this way.

When I’ve been doing well and then my mental illness tackles me to the ground without warning, I’m taken off guard. I have to remember how to handle these situations. How do I calm myself down when I’m shaking with anxiety? How do I stop these negative thoughts from drowning me? Why don’t I have a drop of energy?

I have my eyes looking forward to therapy today where I hope I can get myself situated again.

I hope that if you’re going through these ups and downs too, you can find peace and make it through this challenging time.

Stay strong, everyone!

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20 Replies to “The Ups & Downs of Being Mentally Ill”

  1. Take time to heal. We will wait for you, because you are important.

    There will always be those ups and downs, it’s just the nature of the beast. But you are strong and you will make it. <3

  2. Hang in there! Ive been going through depression since I was a teen. I am now 45 and still struggle with it. Some mornings I wake up feeling like I just want to die. I usually get better as the day goes on. The fact that I am on meds doesnt help and sometimes makes things worse. Praying for healing and happier days!!!

    1. You must be such a strong person! I 100% understand that feeling of wanting to die the moment you wake up. I hope that you can find the right medication to help you improve. Thank you for commenting!

  3. Megan, I know how you feel, I truly do. What I thought was a case of the Full Moon blues turned out to be a slide into depression, and I too am uncomfortable. No one knows the sadness in our solitude, unless they have experienced this first hand. I don’t want to be unhappy, I am blessed beyond measure, and it kind of makes me feel like a jerk when I cry through the day on my brand new couch with my velvet comforter. But when these times come, I take it as a sign that Abba is pulling me closer. May you feel the prayers and love I am sending you~

    1. I totally agree. People who don’t have a mental illness cannot truly understand what it is like for your brain to revolt against you. My psychiatrist told me once that when your mind is telling you to die, it’s the exact opposite of our survival instincts.

      You’re not a jerk (well I hope not at least)! We can have all the blessings in the world but mental illness doesn’t care about that. It narrows our field of vision to see whatever negativity it wants us to. I hope that you are getting by and enjoying your new couch!

      1. No, kitten, I am not a jerk. I do, however, know a few jerks. 🙂 God bless you! I can tell you that it gets easier when you get serious about loving yourself. ~

  4. I am schizoaffective, bipolar type so I understand the ups and downs totally. It can be an exhausting ride we’re strapped into and not one I would recommend to anyone. I take meds for my condition and have found hope in Christ. I hope you get through this tough time okay and continue writing for those who need to hear. Take care.

    1. That sounds like an exhausting ride! I hope that you can find peace in all of the craziness. Thank you for your comforting words, Kevin!

  5. I totally understand what you mean when you say it takes you by surprise when your mental health gets worse again after feeling so good for awhile. Stay strong 🙂

  6. You know you are not alone. Being tormented by anxiety and depression is one of the worst illnesses anyone can indure. Stay strong and remember there will be a better day, the chaos will settle and peace will return. It doesn’t make it any easier but you’re helping others by being brave enough to share your life and your situation. Keep in touch anytime, from a distant (new) friend 👍

    1. My fingers are crossed for peace to return soon! Thank you for reminding me that telling my story has the power to inspire others 🙂

  7. You are so important to God that he didn’t pass to the next day until you were born. Every body has a mission in this world and only you could fulfill your. Nobody else could. Many blessings to you Megan and feel better.

    1. Thank you so much!! It makes me feel so much better to know that I’m not the only person experiencing this roller coaster ride.

  8. Going through a tough time at the moment as well, sometimes it’s hard to even keep my eyes open; but wgat you’ve got to remember is that you have the strength inside of you to win, and you’re amazing for getting this far <3

    1. I feel you, Bluebell. You’re right though! We all have that strength inside us to overcome the pain we feel inside. I hope that you are feeling better 🙂

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