I have had a lot of time recently to think about what I have lost in the last three years to my social anxiety. It is funny, in the moment you think about the things that you have lost.
The most glaring thing is it has been well over two years since I have been in a movie theater. That is so strange, but I don’t remember the last movie that I saw in the theater. Not to mention I don’t know the last time I saw a live play. I miss these things, but I have so much anxiety. It saddens me the things that I lose to my social anxiety.
What kills me is that I want to do things. Go to the beach which is twenty minutes away. I want to go enjoy a nice cup of coffee and read a good book, but I am not great out in the world. I am so afraid of having a panic attack and losing control in front of people.
If you had read any of my anxiety blog posts you know that control is something that I struggle with in this life. It is one of my weaknesses.
I feel lost when I lose control, and it is one of the reasons that I tend to isolate especially at this time of the year. I hate that I let myself get to the point where I do all my work at home, although there are some extenuating circumstances this time, isolation is a safe place.
I have lost a lot of things in this life to my social anxiety, but it is not all bad. There are ways to improve on my social anxiety through therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. I have made conquering my social anxiety a significant goal in 2019. I will, of course, be writing my journey down as always. Sharing through experience is the best thing.
Always Keep Fighting
My GoFundMe Page
The Bipolar Writer blog is raising the money to upgrade this site to a business blog. This will take this blog to the next level and I will be able to allow people to sell their written work here on my blog. There are also so many big things that come along with the business plan so that we can continue to share mental illness stories.
I know it is a lot to ask. So many of us in the mental illness community struggle to meet their basic needs. Here is James asking for money. I know the struggle (it is why I can’t spend the $300 plus of my own money to take the blog to the next level.) With everything going on with my memoir and self-publishing this blog can use your help. If you can give anything, not matter how small, can be a game changer.
We have raised $135! That is amazing.
We are still short of our goal of $325, the cost of the upgrade for a year. If we raise enough, I’d like to upgrade for the next two years (which totals $435.) If you can donate it would mean the world to me, if not I understand. 100% of what is raised will stay with the blog and only used to upgrade.