All I Need Is A Little Help From My People.

 

Sometime over the past couple months I just gave up. I stopped showering as often, stopped answering calls and texts from my family, and stopped going to class. If it wasn’t for bills, I might have stopped going to work. My bedroom floor is covered in clothes, both clean and dirty. I interact with over 100 people each week and while that does not sound like a lot to some, it is to me. It has become overwhelming. I am overwhelmed with life. I feel like a shell of a person. It is a weird thing, knowing you’re in the throes of depression. I can be driving down the road and thinking about how I feel nothing. I don’t feel excited about life. Somehow, I have managed to land a new job that pays more than the one I have now. Somehow, I have managed to find a genuinely good friend in a stranger since moving to a brand-new state where I know nobody. Somehow, I have managed to keep most of the plans we make to hang out. But I still don’t manage to shower every day, be on time for work, or finish a paper on time for class. What is worse is nobody sees it. Not a single person around me has said a word if they have noticed any change. Maybe I am good at hiding it, or maybe they don’t recognize it. Depression looks different on everyone. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family who I feel comfortable telling I am a mess. Even from 1000 miles away they support me and call until I answer in anger. They look pass the cursing for waking me up on a Saturday at 2 pm, even though I have been asleep for 11 hours. There is a lot of pressure for those with mental health issues to talk to someone, but have you talked to them?

 

I haven’t written in months. I have friends on the internet who have noticed and reached out. It isn’t their job and it isn’t your either. We should all be so lucky to have someone like that. Someone who notices when we aren’t ourselves, even if it is in the tiniest detail. I take my medication, go to my appointments, and do what I am supposed to in order to keep on. This isn’t a cure all. I know this, but many of those around me have the idea that as long as I take my medicine I am fine. I will be fine. I am not fine right now. Check on your people.

18 Replies to “All I Need Is A Little Help From My People.”

  1. I too have been going through a depressive episode. It can be so isolating. I have to force myself to reach out. I am learning to ask for help. You are amazingly strong for sharing this struggle. You are not alone! I am grateful for friends who notice when I’m not myself. But sometimes I just have to tell people, “I’m not ok” and hope they will understand. I am so glad you have a support in your family. Hope you can make some new friends in a new place! I’m on meds too, but I still have dips in my mood. Hope things even out soon and that you get back to feeling like yourself! Sending love!

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    1. Always here even if that sounds silly. It’s so nice and awful to find people to relate. I have one friend who just says hi and I say hi and she tells me about her day and that’s enough. She knows to just touch base and make me interact. It sounds silly but it keeps me in touch with the outside world.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I went through something so similar in 2017. I could not get out of bed to go to class or even shower. I finished my classes but even now that I am at home I can not be bothered to get up because there is no point. I do not have a job or anything to give me purpose. I know this may not be helpful, but I truly am always here if you wish to speak to someone. I found that speaking to a complete stranger about our problems is so liberating and helpful. You will get better. Sending love.

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    1. It really is. Goals are everything to me. Volunteering got me started. It’s a lesser commitment than a job. But you connect with people rather than just responsibility. Maybe that can be a starting point for you too? I hope you find your purpose and I hope it’s for you. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand 100%. Until I checked into a rehab/psych ward in October, no one knew how terribly I was struggling. I’d even come out to a couple friends who minimized my issues because I’m so “okay” on the outside. Having your closest friends not believe you makes things extremely confusing. I hope you continue to write. I hope you continue to keep pushing. It’s hard, but I can finally see the light. If you ever need an ear please get in touch. You are WORTH IT and important, and don’t ever let any of these assholes tell you differently.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Me too. Today is the first day in I don’t know how long I started to clean the house and get laundry done. I’m in a rut and I’ve been here for months and I don’t know if anyone REALLY has noticed. I look around at this mess and what I should be able to take care of. But I just sit and feel like shit over it. You’re not alone. I know you have people on here who have already said they’re available to talk, but if you want another friend I’m here.

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  5. You are a true fighter…start embracing yourself a little more…start loving yourself a little more💗….best wishes for ahead

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  6. Ay! Am there. I showered this morning and started folding the clothes on the floor. It’s something. We just keep plugging along. I wish you the best.

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  7. I can appreciate the truth of your post. In my own struggle with schizoaffective disorder, depression plays a major role. It can be crippling and yet we have to press on. I have a good support system and I am glad you have people checking on you as well. I pray that you will get through this depression and feel better soon. Take care.

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  8. Depression is rough. Often times, people don’t know what to say to an individual struggling with it, so they say nothing. Many times, too, as you said, they’re unaware because it’s not a physical illness.
    The number one person to count on in such cases is thyself. Having “people” is fantastic, but they’re not walking your life… And at some point there will be an instance when not one of them is available at the moment. Our minds decide our lives. We are the only ones who have to live it. It’s up to us to keep our get healthy.

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  9. I can relate to wondering why no one has noticed. I’m convinced that it has nothing to do with how well I hide it. Instead, it has everything to do with how self-absorbed people are. Everyone is busy worrying about their own problems that they forget to actually look around and take notice of those around them.

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