Yesterday I met with my new counselor and she thinks along with me that I may have an underlying anxiety disorder that has been missed by a number of psychiatrists and therapists. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the past. To be perfectly honest I believe that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have anxiety about everything and nothing seems to calm it down. Now I know that some of my anxiety comes from the fact that my husband has started a job in the past few weeks and that is bringing its own anxiety but I don’t understand why I am panicking at work.
I have never panicked at work until last week. Yes, I have been stressed out a lot lately but what does that have to do with my anxiety. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like no matter what I do that anxiety follows me everywhere. It follows me to places that I haven’t been and to places that bring back happy memories. Even as I write this I can feel the anxiety creeping up because I am in a big house by myself humanly speaking. I mean I have my three dogs with me but I need someone to bounce ideas off of to make life easier for everyone around me.
We had talked about my parents and how they just don’t care about anything that I do. They care more about my brother than they do me. They have never cared about what I did because my brother would always get the last word, scream, presence, and gesture in. I will always feel like the black sheep of the family. I was the scapegoat for everyone’s problems. I was the glue that held everyone together. No matter what I did I was always wrong. For those of you going through the same thing or even have gone through the same thing please tell me how you got or are getting through this difficult time.