Yesterday

Yesterday I met with my new counselor and she thinks along with me that I may have an underlying anxiety disorder that has been missed by a number of psychiatrists and therapists. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the past. To be perfectly honest I believe that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have anxiety about everything and nothing seems to calm it down. Now I know that some of my anxiety comes from the fact that my husband has started a job in the past few weeks and that is bringing its own anxiety but I don’t understand why I am panicking at work.

I have never panicked at work until last week. Yes, I have been stressed out a lot lately but what does that have to do with my anxiety. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like no matter what I do that anxiety follows me everywhere. It follows me to places that I haven’t been and to places that bring back happy memories. Even as I write this I can feel the anxiety creeping up because I am in a big house by myself humanly speaking. I mean I have my three dogs with me but I need someone to bounce ideas off of to make life easier for everyone around me.

We had talked about my parents and how they just don’t care about anything that I do. They care more about my brother than they do me. They have never cared about what I did because my brother would always get the last word, scream, presence, and gesture in. I will always feel like the black sheep of the family. I was the scapegoat for everyone’s problems. I was the glue that held everyone together. No matter what I did I was always wrong. For those of you going through the same thing or even have gone through the same thing please tell me how you got or are getting through this difficult time.

28 Replies to “Yesterday”

  1. I can certainly understand where you are coming from. Did anything change in your work environment? Or, does it stem from hubby getting a new job recently?
    When my anxiety ramps up, I’ll listen to soothing music, basically meditating or spa-like music.
    Has your new therapist/psychiatrist prescribed anything to you for your anxiety?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t want to pry to much, so you don;t have to answer anything you don’t want to.
        Is the new boss a tyrant? Did you hear things (negatively speaking) about the new boss?
        I was just put back on Klonopin a month ago for my insomnia. It also helps a great deal with my anxiety issues as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He’s really nice and cares about all of his employees. I don’t get what could be causing the anxiety at work.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Then that’s a big plus if your boss is pleasant to work with.
        I’m sure once the medication kicks into play, things will calm down for you.
        Again… try listening to soothing music. Not something that might trigger memories of bad, sad, thoughts. Just something to take the edge off.
        I do hope you feel better soon. 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi, I have a similar role in my family (glue but ignored). I would investigate whether there’s a family of origin of narcissism. It can be debilitating and it appears to be the root of my depression/anxiety. Check out http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/ to see if it makes sense for you. I have no real memories of my childhood (too much trauma apparently) but she has a list of things you might feel if you’re the daughter of a narcissistic mother. It changed my life because I discovered it wasn’t ‘my fault’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. to be honest the link you sent me has hit home for me. now I’m going to talk to my counselor about this next week and see if there is anything to do to prevent me from becoming narcissistic

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yay! I wouldn’t worry too much about being a narcissist. Just the fact that you’re worried about it, means you’re not. Narcissists need people to support them – that’s the ‘glue’ we provide. If we were narcissistic, we couldn’t provide that. Does that make sense? I’ve really been touched by her newsletter. I’m glad it helped

        Liked by 1 person

      2. i called my counselor because im afraid to talk to my family about this. i know that if i talk to my mom about that she’s going to blow up at me like she used to. im so scared that i’ll turn into her.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s a fear we all have who were brought up like this. I’ve been scared my whole life that I’ll turn into her. I would not talk to your family about this until you make a little more headway into it. It’s a LOT to take in & process!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. For me I am 51 now.. And I have just been free about the last year.. I have to realize that everything I was told about was a lie.. All the times I felt it was my fault that I for things that was beyond my control.. I never felt love from my mom but I felt protected by her.. I never felt good enough.. and I always had to be stronger than everyone else.. I now know that I’m a in control of what and who I allow to come into my life.. I had a good therapist and I am on Effixer and I pray and I trust God

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m 44 years old, and I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder most of my life. I’ve been on and off medication for it. I can’t handle even the smallest amount of stress when I’m off medication. I have had to switch medications after years on certain types. My doctor say’s there is a thing called medication burnout — the medication stops working. I’m currently on 200mg of Zoloft, and it’s working pretty good for the anxiety. I have noticed more fatigue, but that could just be my age.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It does sound like you might. It’s terrible to feel anxious all the time, especially when you can’t pin point what’s causing it. Cognitive therapy helped me as well.

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      2. No one really knows what’s wrong with me. So I just sit in pain usually.

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      3. I’m sorry you are suffering, and I understand how frustrating it is to not find the help you need. Our minds can be torture. I’m sending you lots of love today.

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  5. I’m very antsy when my anxiety acts up, so I do well with going to the gym with a playlist of songs that help me visual better days. Even if I just walk on the treadmill on an incline for 30-40 minutes, if I don’t feel fit enough to run. I do know, though, that exercise isn’t a good fix for everyone…but I’ll be the 400th person to recommend it -just- in case it’s the temporary fix you need. x

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    1. thank you. i try to walk everyday. it does help me but not all the time

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  6. I haven’t officially been diagnosed with anxiety although many years ago I was told i suffer from ocd and anxiety. Like you when I’m alone that’s when all the thought come flooding and im left stressed. Often leaving me to message others for reassurance which I then feel like I’m putting pressure on them all the time. I try to switch off sometimes keeping busy at work helps and my kids. I won’t lie… often wine helps to help me forget what it is I’m stressing about and I know it shouldn’t. I have no answers but know your not alone.

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  7. Saying that anxiety is an uphill battle would be an understatement. It’s one of the most terrifying things I’ve had to deal with in life and it’s so intrusive! It just sneaks up out of nowhere. I’ve been able to cope with therapy, small women’s groups, spirituality and the last 5 months I’ve been on medication. Medication and spirituality have helped me so much.

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