Depressed & Alone
My last depression cycle, which started in January and didn’t end until late February.
Despite the feelings that I had to deal with during the cycle, coming out of the fog has really helped me reflect on my feelings during this turbulent time. One sense that seems to always be intensified when I am dealing with depression–being alone in this fight.
I know “in this fight” I have all of my fellow mental illness suffers that I can turn to when I am depressed, and I always do by writing blogs to make connections. Depression has been my oldest companion in this life, and it is the longest relationship that I have ever had (granted it is one of those on again, off again things.) Depression always leaves me with thoughts about being alone.
When life is good and depression is on the back burner, my life is great. I continue to complete my goals and things keep moving in the right direction. I feel less alone and for the most part, it never really comes up.
I made a decision long ago that letting someone in my life before I have my life together was the right one. I left my last relationship because at the time my will to live was nothing. It would have been selfish to keep my girlfriend in my life. I was right, the next six years after were the worst of my life. That decision will always haunt me because I worry that I may never feel like letting someone into my chaotic life.
I prefer to be alone because it is just more comfortable, but am I setting myself up for failure? That was on my mind in my recent depression cycle. Have I become too comfortable in my life that happiness, true happiness with another human being, might just be impossible now?
I don’t know what the future holds for me. There are so many accomplishments that I am working on. Finishing my Masters, and possibly going beyond that degree.
My memoir and my screenplay are significant projects that are on the board. I am starting a foray into fantasy fiction writing. I am growing my blog to new heights. Life is good. Being alone is tomorrow’s problem. Still, it feels good to write about it–stay strong in the fight.
Always Keep Fighting
What is the Goal of my GoFundme Campaign?
The next level. Upgrading The Bipolar Writer blog to the business level for the next year and a half. This will give the blog more options on getting the collaborative work out there into the world. I also want a place where authors can showcase and sell their work on here (I am working on how this will be possible.) At the end of the day, the ultimate goal is to spread the stories and experiences of those in the mental illness blogging community with the world and end the stigma.
This blog has always been self-funded by my own money, but the community has also helped me with funding from time to time. Every penny that I raise is going towards this blog and spreading the many stories that feature on this blog. It takes just small donations (significant donations are also welcome) and with the 11,100 plus followers of this blog donating 2-3 dollars we can finally reach the goal! The final goal will be $425.