When Depression Makes You Feel Helpless

Depressed & Alone

My last depression cycle, which started in January and didn’t end until late February.

Despite the feelings that I had to deal with during the cycle, coming out of the fog has really helped me reflect on my feelings during this turbulent time. One sense that seems to always be intensified when I am dealing with depression–being alone in this fight.

I know “in this fight” I have all of my fellow mental illness suffers that I can turn to when I am depressed, and I always do by writing blogs to make connections. Depression has been my oldest companion in this life, and it is the longest relationship that I have ever had (granted it is one of those on again, off again things.) Depression always leaves me with thoughts about being alone.

When life is good and depression is on the back burner, my life is great. I continue to complete my goals and things keep moving in the right direction. I feel less alone and for the most part, it never really comes up.

I made a decision long ago that letting someone in my life before I have my life together was the right one. I left my last relationship because at the time my will to live was nothing. It would have been selfish to keep my girlfriend in my life. I was right, the next six years after were the worst of my life. That decision will always haunt me because I worry that I may never feel like letting someone into my chaotic life.

I prefer to be alone because it is just more comfortable, but am I setting myself up for failure? That was on my mind in my recent depression cycle. Have I become too comfortable in my life that happiness, true happiness with another human being, might just be impossible now?

I don’t know what the future holds for me. There are so many accomplishments that I am working on. Finishing my Masters, and possibly going beyond that degree.

My memoir and my screenplay are significant projects that are on the board. I am starting a foray into fantasy fiction writing. I am growing my blog to new heights. Life is good. Being alone is tomorrow’s problem. Still, it feels good to write about it–stay strong in the fight.

Always Keep Fighting

James

What is the Goal of my GoFundme Campaign?

The next level. Upgrading The Bipolar Writer blog to the business level for the next year and a half. This will give the blog more options on getting the collaborative work out there into the world. I also want a place where authors can showcase and sell their work on here (I am working on how this will be possible.) At the end of the day, the ultimate goal is to spread the stories and experiences of those in the mental illness blogging community with the world and end the stigma.

https://www.gofundme.com/rasing-to-upgrade-the-bipolar-writer-blog

This blog has always been self-funded by my own money, but the community has also helped me with funding from time to time. Every penny that I raise is going towards this blog and spreading the many stories that feature on this blog. It takes just small donations (significant donations are also welcome) and with the 11,100 plus followers of this blog donating 2-3 dollars we can finally reach the goal! The final goal will be $425.

My GoFundme 

https://www.gofundme.com/rasing-to-upgrade-the-bipolar-writer-blog

24 Replies to “When Depression Makes You Feel Helpless”

  1. It is so hard to know what is right when in depression and even after it. Maybe what we should do is to let someone in if they happen to come to our lives, although active search for someone may not be in the cards.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That is so true. I have written about this subject before because it is what I am feeling especially when depression hits me hard. Sometimes you just have to let things come to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly! I struggle with that thought a lot too, the struggle to not let people in. But sometimes people are sent for help and recovery.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is so true. I am lucky. I have some amazing people that follow my
        Blog and understand. I am not alone in the sense I will always have a place to be myself here. Thank you for your kind words!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You definitely are not. In fact, I am a new blogger and the way you express your struggles and the way people interact here are one of the first good impressions about blogging. You definitely formed a family here.

        Like

  2. Thank you for sharing this. This is exactly why i started my blog…it helps so much to write down how I feel, and to Know that I am not alone. That there are other people that feel this way and still live normal lives! You are amazing, I really appreciate being able to read your posts and it helps me so much! 💓

    Liked by 1 person

  3. From personal experience: my husband is both the support during, and the trigger for a few, depressive cycles. We’re all human, you know. There is no perfect person but there is the rest of your life to live. It’s better sharing that life; like any mental illness ‘cure,’ however, a romantic bond is something organic that requires attention and time. It’s work and it’s worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think in my mind I do glorify the idea that I could find someone that understands every aspect of my mental illness and will be able to live through the ups and downs. Maybe that person doesn’t exist.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course not. Anyone you find will be a lot like you, especially if that is who you are displaying to the world.
        You CAN, of course, find someone ‘perfect’ in that s/he will be willing to support you and work with you. As long as you keep a relationship growing and building it will work.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Funny Health and commented:
    Bipolar Depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar one, depression, depression cycles, mental health, Mental Health Recovery, mental illness

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Unfortunately, I feel that will always be a “side affect” or a common ground we all have going through it. I will say, however, if more depressed people reached out to read like I do with your blog, I feel they would get out of a funk sooner or would at least not be so hard on themselves. I reached out and am so glad I did! I even started my own blog! http://www.getreal.home.blog It’s very therapeutic! Thank you for the inspiration to write it all down!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. “I made a decision long ago that letting someone in my life before I have my life together was the right one. I left my last relationship because at the time my will to live was nothing. It would have been selfish to keep my girlfriend in my life. I was right, the next six years after were the worst of my life. That decision will always haunt me because I worry that I may never feel like letting someone into my chaotic life.”

    I relate so much to this paragraph. I feel like I’m taking the right steps now, but I’m not ready yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think you could feel alone without being actually alone. But, what I can say to you is pray to the good God and he will answer your prayer.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Looking at the news I sometimes wonder whether depression is the only possible response to what’s out there. Maybe we’re the OK ones and it’s everyone else is the problem! Only joking. I think.

    Like

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