My depression and work today

So today I’m supposed to work a 6-hour shift. The problem that I’m having is that I can’t bring myself to go or call in. You see the problem I’m having is that I’m really depressed to have been for a few days. Every wrong thing that I do just adds to the fact that I’m not a perfect human being. No matter what I do things just keep piling up. The feelings I have are becoming very much intrusive and becoming a real problem. Everyone I talk to about this says that it’s normal to not want to go to work. i could lose my job if i don’t talk to someone about this this week.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wanted to quit other jobs because of this same problem. I’m at the point where I just want to quit because I’m having problems with my mental health. I can’t afford to do that though at least not until my disability comes in if I get it. I just want to get out from under this cloud and the medications aren’t helping anymore. I just want to feel better you know. although nothing I do is good enough for my boss. I’m not making ends meet with this job and I’m having problems with things in my head a lot more lately. although no matter how hard i try my brain tells me that I can’t do anything correctly.

I can’t help but feel a little guilty that I’m putting the most pressure on my lovely husband. he works full time and doesn’t get like I do during the spring. this depression has felt like a fucking nightmare. no one in my family gets it because they are a bunch of idiots when it comes to mental health stuff. none of them want to learn anything about my disorders. they feel that I should tell them about them let alone the beginning of all of this was nothing I couldn’t handle. it was simple no for going fulltime at my company. that’s when I really got depressed for the second time in a three month period. although no one will really get what it’s like to be in my head doesn’t mean that I can just call in every time I’m feeling like a complete loser.

So some of you might be wondering what it’s like to be in my head the best way to describe it is a living hell. All that I ask of you no matter what your situation is is keep fighting. you’ll get to the end of the tunnel st some point in your life.

10 Replies to “My depression and work today”

  1. When I was in college, I watched “The Matrix” a few more times than the average person. 🙂 It sounds lame; but when I’m down, I picture that scene where Trinity has just soared through a window and rolled around to point her guns at where she came in (in case an agent followed). From the floor, literally shaking, she tells herself, “Get up, Trinity. Get. Up!”

    So, when I’m down… I become Trinity, ready to face death itself. “Get Up, Chelsea,” I tell myself. “Get. Up!”

    The problem is that our depression (or anxiety or mixed episode) feels just as desperate or crippling as a life-threatening situation. We know we need to move, and we need that core power of will to do so.

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  2. I have been dealing with depression lately and can totally relate. I know how hard it is to make yourself do anything at all. Sometimes we just don’t have the strength. I can imagine that not having a supportive family must be especially difficult. I pray that God will be with you and help you out of this slump. He is the only thing that keeps me going when I am in it. I really hope you get to feeling better soon.

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  3. This is painfully familiar. Thank you for inspiring me to write a second post today. My heart hurts for you, I hope it lifts soon. I hope you find inspiration. I’m so sorry your family is unwilling to be supportive. That does make a world of difference. Know, regardless, that you are not alone. ♡

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  4. I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve called off many times from work saying I had a family emergency when most of the time I just couldn’t bear going. A lot of the times when I call off my family will tell me to stop being lazy, to stop slacking off. They fail to understand that I can’t go due to the exhaustion that depression has taken on me both mentally and physically. I still haven’t found a way to deal with this but I have been coming in a lot more just due to the fear of getting fired and not being able to pay for my classes. I guess the best thing to do is find a solid reason and take a hold of it. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, this isn’t something anyone should go through. But I’m proud of you for pushing.

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  5. Can totally relate to your situation. Have quit 3 jobs myself in the past. Currently unemployed for 6 months. Finally God knows how but managed to get a job. I’m all hopeful this time I won’t quit. This time will be mine to rise and shine. But thing is before getting the job I’m always this motivated and hopeful till things turn to shit. But you know what, I’m a fighter, and I’m proud of myself. Because what else is there if I give up and stop fighting?

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  6. I have those moments too sometimes. Where it’s like, “today is that day” and I have to force myself to go to work, even when al I want to do is curl into a ball and not get up. It’s terrifying and scary!

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    1. Me too. Sometimes, even though it’s counter-intuitive, I just push through it and go. Have a shower, get dressed, brush your teeth, do your hair or makeup (if you wear it) and just get out and go. Fake it if you have to. Sending good wishes your way! Mental health struggles are so so hard.

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      1. And its hard explaining it to people as well. “Why can’t you just be happy” Oh wow… what a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that. But fake it, till you make it.

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