I have been through the emotional gauntlet the past month and a half.
For about a month I dealt with the worst depression cycle of the young year. When I was out of the cycle, my mind threw something that hasn’t happened in years–a mixed episode. It was the worst two days of my life. I thought, okay 2019 I hear you, but it was not so easy.
This last week has been the best and the worst. I wrote so much this week, and I am nearing completion of a novella (which was featured on this blog at one point) that desperately need to finish. I was to offer it as part of my Patreon tiers. I started a new semester in my graduate studies. I am finally buckling down and pricing out legit copy editors for the memoir. I am doing everything right, and yet I am struggling again, this time with my social anxiety.
I had three panic attacks this past week, and my anxiety was at its highest level from the moment I opened my eyes. It has been so stressful, and it does not help that I have no car at the moment (it is a whole thing.) So, I have to make adjustments. What makes it worse is that I lost some work due to my car situation. (I am not complaining and I am working on this situation as we speak.)
I am so lost right now. I just need a break from all the mental illness stuff. I have a meeting with my psychiatrist and therapist in the coming weeks, maybe things will change.
I am supposed to be the one that helps others and I forget that sometimes I need to ask for help. If you can please say a prayer for me or send some positive thoughts. Anything will help.
It only gets harder. This week I have a ton to read, a significant project, and of course, I still have to keep my commitments to my freelance work. It would be perfect to just have some time without one of my many issues taking its turn like I am a punching bag. I can only be hopeful right? It is going to be a long week, and while I have not had a cigarette since 2015, it will be so tempting to buy a pack. I don’t have much self control at this point.
I am hoping to write another post this week, if not it is because I am on overload. Stay strong in the fight.
Always Keep Fighting