How do you find “the one?”

I made the hardest move I’ve ever made this past week. Quitting on my therapist.

I hate leaving people and I do not like the feeling of letting people down. But I just couldn’t help but to feel that we were not the greatest fit.

I appreciate my therapist and his effort for sure, but even as time passed on – I just did not feel like I had the best fit with him as a therapist and client.

As a psych researcher myself, I read countless articles on how medication and psychotherapy conducted together brings out the bets results and I understand that. However, how do I help myself if I feel that I just need some time to figure things out myself without having a therapist?

After being in therapy since August 2016, I almost feel that I never gave myself a time to reflect on my own mental health journey. It was rather having a therapist doing all the hard thinking FOR me.

But I do know I should eventually get back to therapy as I am still trying to find my “tools” for my mental illness.

Dear bloggers, what are some of your tips on finding “the one” in therapy world? How did you know when you found your therapist that was a right fit for you?

18 Replies to “How do you find “the one?””

  1. When I was relieved to go talk to my therapist once a week, I knew I was in the right place. I would leave his office feeling like a weight had been lifted. He offered very beneficial methods that paralleled the growth I needed to achieve. Good luck in search! I’ll be thinking of you!

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  2. I have yet to find one that I like… I admit I have only ever seen a few. One was bat crap crazy… One never talked. Been trying to make myself go back and try again for many years.

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  3. Took me several attempts that cost lots of energy and money…but then I found my current therapist and as cheesy as that might sound, I just “knew”. I felt she just understood me in a way no therapist had before. And she helped me with whatever it was I needed, she didn’t try to push her agenda but rather let me decide what was most pressing at a given moment. And if something didn’t work for me she accepted that and tried something else which is a quality few therapists can offer in my experience.
    I wish you lots of strength and resilience and I hope you find a perfect fit soon. Take care!

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  4. I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I go to the mental health center here that is ran by the state and have had many therapists assigned to me over the years. Some have been better than others. Some I didn’t feel like were a good fit for me at all. The one I currently see is probably the best overall. She is easy to talk to and really seems to listen. She asks pertinent questions and helps me see different perspectives on my issues but doesn’t overly psychoanalyze me. I look forward to my sessions with her and feel that she is helping me more than most have.

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  5. My therapist told me on the first visit that if after a couple visits it does not feel right, “feel free to try someone else.” I have been seeing her for a year. She listens, challenges me when appropriate, and encourages me on the progress I am making — even when I don’t see it. I guess it feels more like a team working together to help me. She is also good at providing insight on different techniques and what the current research says about them. It is hard to describe why this therapist seems to work for me. I think the key was that upfront she understood that she might not have the right approach for everyone. The focus was on helping me.

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  6. I know exactly what you mean. My first counsellor and I had that great fit and I suppose i ‘just knew’. Then I moved to a psychologist and that connection wasn’t quite as strong. We still work well together but it’s undoubtedly not the best fit or personalities. I guess one way to tell could be to ask yourself, if this person wasn’t helping me through so much would I still get along with them? I think sometimes we put up with a mismatched relationship because we feel we don’t want to be alone, you know?
    Hope that helped, can only talk from my own experience 🙂

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  7. I was lucky that I’ve had positive experiences with therapists. My first therapist in university was very different from me so I really enjoyed her perspective. The therapist I have now I’ve been seeing since September 2016. She has been one of the best things to happen in my adult life. I feel like I can always be open with her and she never seems to judge me even at my darkest points. She always encourages me to step out of my comfort zone.

    I hope that you can find a therapist that connects well with you! Since your last one was a man, maybe you would connect better with a woman.

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    1. Same here! My first therapist was a woman at the university counseling center, and they had to refer me out since there is a long wait list for other students.

      Ive only worked with two psychologists, but like you said – working with women just makes it more comfortable for me as a personal preference

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  8. I think I got “accidentally lucky” with mine. Through my job at the time, they had the employee assistance program, and that offered counseling. So I went and met with one of the advisers, who basically had a Rolodex of therapists, and she jokingly called herself the “therapist matchmaker” so she was able to ask me questions and based on my personality, a couple of interests, and what I was looking to get help for, and she found one for me. I saw her for 5 years and she was amazing.

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      1. No, I just got to the point where I was needing to go less and less often, and eventually stopped going. I felt like I was finally good to be “independent” in terms of living life currently, vs needing someone to guide me through my past… if that makes sense.

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  9. I’ve gone through so many therapists starting way back from my childhood. None of them ever stuck around long enough for me. Whether it was moving to a different town, quitting the place they were working at or in the end the whole facility I was going to shutting down. (Yes that is my luck). Recently I had found a wonderful therapist but my insurance doesn’t cover enough in order for me to afford to go. I’m still hoping to find a doctor to help me in the meanwhile I’ve been using the blog as support and an outlet. I wish you the best if you decide to find another therapist, it was very brave to leave if that is a big fear/hard thing for you to do.

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