The List.

 

I once read that a good strategy in dealing with bipolar is to recognize what is an episode and what is just a run of the mill bad day. When I find myself feeling “moody” I make a list of things that are pissing me off. I look over it and try to determine if the things triggering my anger are truly things that I should be upset about or if I am overreacting. Whether or not it is an episode, it is a way to hold myself accountable.

 

I thought I would give you a glimpse into my list from this week. It truly is….something. If anything, it is hilariously ridiculous.

 

  1. I walked into the copy room to use the copy machine and there was a coworker in there organizing the incoming faxes. I just started the job so I asked her if I needed to dial nine to fax, to which she responded no. As I start typing in the number in she turns to me and says, “you have to wait until I am done with the fax machine”.
  2. People answering a question with any information outside of the answer to the question I asked.
  3. I work with a woman named Carrie. That is how she spells her name. She is from New York. She corrects anyone who says her name without the New York accent.
  4. Someone held the door for me and then proceeded to their car. When I went to back out (after taking time to plug my phone in and respond to a text) they were backing out behind me and I had to wait.

 

This list is small. This is because I am saving you from the 13 other ridiculously unimportant things that pissed me off. As you can see, I blew things out of proportion.

 

My whole life, my grandmother has hated when someone does not clear the microwave after using it. Lets say that you put food in to heat up for one minute and took the food out after 45 seconds. You better not leave that fifteen seconds on the microwave. My thoughts on this have always been if I see it as being easy enough for her to just not say anything and clear the microwave, then it is just as easy for me to do the same.

 

These things that happened did not hurt me or alter my life in anyway. It is far easier for me to make myself aware of this than it is to explain to someone that I have a mental illness full of mixed episodes and mood swings where I blow up over the preferred pronunciation of YOUR name.

 

I am a huge proponent of people learning about mental illness, ending stigma, and coexisting with those that have them. I am not a proponent for expecting everyone around me to deal with the fallout of my bad days.

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7 Replies to “The List.”

  1. I am the same way. I wonder sometimes what is going on, if it is my schizoaffective disorder or just a bad day. Maybe I should make a list like you did, I don’t know. I do know that I get irritated by some pretty trivial stuff sometimes, though. Your post really puts that in perspective. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Not to sound wierd or anything, but those things really irritate me, too. It takes a lot of self awareness to be able to acertain being annoyed by idiosyncratic behavior and mental illness. It’s a good reminder to look at the big picture more often. 🙂

    1. Hahaha I’m glad I’m not the only one! I think it was more of the level of irritation. I mean it was clear I was irritated and I wasn’t really hiding it. There lies the problem in my world

  3. There’s a difference among overreacting, personality quirks, OCD, anxiety, and irrational reactions. I think you’re really hard on yourself.

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