Life has been tough for me lately, and the mental exhaustion has been significant. I hate saying that because I am stronger than all the symptoms of my mental illness.
I always look at myself as a beacon of hope in the mental illness community. I am supposed to be the strong one. My stories of the ups and downs of this mental illness life, and coming out better on the other side, are what has made me who I am today. I think that I have to be strong, or this blog, this safe place goes away. I have been my share of struggles since starting this blog, but for the most part, I have seen more victories than defeats.
That brings me to the month of March. It makes sense when you look at my year as an outside observer. January and February I consider a wash. I was deep into a depression cycle, and it was not until late February where I found myself coming out of the fog. Then March rolled around. One of my 2019 goals, expanding my blog to the business level through crowdfunding was complete. I thought everything was going to be looking up.
Then the cracks started to show. I felt that I had lost so much since the start of the year that I had no choice but to make up for lost time.
My hamartia if you will is that I always feel like I have to make up for lost time.
Given my history it makes sense. So March I was working overtime. I started another semester of my graduate studies. I began to work on improving The Bipolar Writer Collaborative blog. A fellow blogger turned me on to the website Patreon, and the idea intrigued me so much that I launched my own account. I worked on my memoir more and started two new writing projects. As with everything in life, I began to overdue this life, and I never stopped to take a breath.
I realized in the middle of the month that my social media presence was not great and if I wanted to self-publish my memoir I had to improve. I began to price out copy editors and to be honest I was overwhelmed by the prospect and the price.
The problem is that there are not enough hours in the day, and something had to give. Things like this blog went to the wayside. Since day one, it is I have not gone days at a time without a blog post. At some points in this journey, I was writing daily.
Then social anxiety started to come back and things spiraled. Last week was one of the worst weeks I have had in a while. I was overwhelmed with school work, and I was writing close to 2k words per day on this novella that I am writing. I was mentally exhausted, and it was showing. My sleep was erratic, to say the least and by Sunday I was ready to just take a mental health day.
But, life continues. Monday was extremely busy that I didn’t take a break, from about 5:30 in the morning, until about six that evening. What I learned is that while things might chaotic, life moves on. I am stronger than I realize most days. With that said I will be writing a different blog post about my recent medicine change (as in Tuesday when I am writing this post is the first day on new anxiety medication.
Stay strong in the fight… And…
Always Keep Fighting
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