Mental Exhaustion

Life has been tough for me lately, and the mental exhaustion has been significant. I hate saying that because I am stronger than all the symptoms of my mental illness.

I always look at myself as a beacon of hope in the mental illness community. I am supposed to be the strong one. My stories of the ups and downs of this mental illness life, and coming out better on the other side, are what has made me who I am today. I think that I have to be strong, or this blog, this safe place goes away. I have been my share of struggles since starting this blog, but for the most part, I have seen more victories than defeats.

That brings me to the month of March. It makes sense when you look at my year as an outside observer. January and February I consider a wash. I was deep into a depression cycle, and it was not until late February where I found myself coming out of the fog. Then March rolled around. One of my 2019 goals, expanding my blog to the business level through crowdfunding was complete. I thought everything was going to be looking up.

Then the cracks started to show. I felt that I had lost so much since the start of the year that I had no choice but to make up for lost time.

My hamartia if you will is that I always feel like I have to make up for lost time.

Given my history it makes sense. So March I was working overtime. I started another semester of my graduate studies. I began to work on improving The Bipolar Writer Collaborative blog. A fellow blogger turned me on to the website Patreon, and the idea intrigued me so much that I launched my own account. I worked on my memoir more and started two new writing projects. As with everything in life, I began to overdue this life, and I never stopped to take a breath.

I realized in the middle of the month that my social media presence was not great and if I wanted to self-publish my memoir I had to improve. I began to price out copy editors and to be honest I was overwhelmed by the prospect and the price.

The problem is that there are not enough hours in the day, and something had to give. Things like this blog went to the wayside. Since day one, it is I have not gone days at a time without a blog post. At some points in this journey, I was writing daily.

Then social anxiety started to come back and things spiraled. Last week was one of the worst weeks I have had in a while. I was overwhelmed with school work, and I was writing close to 2k words per day on this novella that I am writing. I was mentally exhausted, and it was showing. My sleep was erratic, to say the least and by Sunday I was ready to just take a mental health day.

But, life continues. Monday was extremely busy that I didn’t take a break, from about 5:30 in the morning, until about six that evening. What I learned is that while things might chaotic, life moves on. I am stronger than I realize most days. With that said I will be writing a different blog post about my recent medicine change (as in Tuesday when I am writing this post is the first day on new anxiety medication.

Stay strong in the fight… And…

Always Keep Fighting


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22 Replies to “Mental Exhaustion”

  1. I’ve been in the same boat. This winter was tough on me, but not like the last. I suffered a period of psychosis last winter followed by deep depression. I feel I haven’t accomplished a single thing since the occurrence. It’s not true, I’ve become much healthier since then, mentally, but it really takes a step back to see it all for what it is. One of my goals is to not be so hard on myself, comparing myself to who I was and who I think I should be. Sounds to me like you really have your plate full and have accomplished quite a bit, mental illness or not.


    1. It’s true. I am so hard on myself because I think I have to do so much more than what I have already accomplished. Thank you for sharing your story.


  2. Bro, what a moving piece. Here is something that I started- weekly self reflection. And it’s really helping, do try of you can 😊


  3. When I find myself here I like to remind myself that sometimes, the most courageous thing I can do with my day is simply breathe and keep my head above water. Mental illness has a funny way of reminding us of its presence, keep on fighting the good fight, you’re helping more people than you know💜


  4. Sorry to hear you’ve been exhausted! Sometimes that our bodies telling us it’s time to make a change. I hope you have a better week


  5. Remember, you have to care for yourself. You don’t have to adopt an impossible pace. There is more time. You still have life ahead. Take care!


  6. I felt the same in February and beginning of March. Had some time off work and starting to feel better, glad you are too, keep going.


  7. I agree with many. If we don’t pace ourselves, we will do more than our minds can handle, leaving us beyond mentally exhausted, drained and feeling worse then before.
    Take care of you James, everything else can wait. 😊🙏🏽


      1. You’re not alone, it’s a struggle for me too. I stop until my body can’t move anymore, only leaving me feeling worse then before. We need to pace ourselves and know when to stop, our bodies and mind will thank us for it.


  8. I also tend to take on too much after a depression streak. I feel so guilty and unproductive, I just need to get shit done. But, I’m really hard on myself to the point I have to take a few days to get back on track mentally. I have been doing better about scheduling in self love activities regularly. It’s made a big difference.


  9. I have been facing the same dilemma myself. Life got crazy and I caught myself burning both ends of the candle, and the midnight oil all in one. I realized I hadn’t posted since February and that, unknowingly, I’d fallen into another depressive hole. Glad you saw your way out, and we all appreciate you taking the time to talk about it. Best of luck on your new endeavor.


  10. I have suffered the same for 3 years n still in it but recovered a lot the most painful thing i had suffered in my depression is loneliness everyone leave me just saying a single statement “you are not mentally stable” though everything is ok now but still some words like this kills me inside this loneliness is killing me n i dont have any solution to this


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