A Start of a New Journey
My most chronicled mental illness struggle that has been featured on this blog is my ongoing struggles with social anxiety and the all-important medication in my life–Ativan.
First, a little history. I have been taking Ativan since on and off since 2007. Yes, that is a lot of years. It was not always so, and for times throughout my life my anxiety was anxiety free, and the need for anxiety medication was non-existent (I think for 2011 I was off the stuff for a time.) But, as is all things in my life, my anxiety came back strong, and since 2012 it has been a regular part of my life.
My struggles with social anxiety and panic attacks as a social factor really came into fruition around 2016 when I had what I consider the worst panic attack of my life. Since then I have seen my Ativan intake steady increase at a very rapid pace. In 2016, I was taking 1mg three times a day. As of Monday, March 25, 2019, I was on a dose of 4mg a day spread throughout my day.
What sucks about the long-term use of Ativan is that it becomes less and less effective. At this point in my life it was not really helping and to be honest it was something that I wanted to change.
Enter the newest psychiatrist in the long line of the turnover over since 2012 (you can find my blog post on the “Revolving Door of Psychiatrists” on my blog.) My new doctor came up with a new solution, a change to clonazepam. The hope is that the extend shelf-life of eight hours, along with a dosage of 1mg three times a day will help me find some balance in my social anxiety and panic attacks.
I am hopeful because for the last year I have been lobbying for this change. It would be great to get my social anxiety under control with medication so that I can find some balance. If it is all that it is cracked up to be, I can restart regular therapy visits (every two weeks) and begin to refocus my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I am going into this with positivity because I am tired of being controlled by my social anxiety. Who knows what the future holds. This is only day one (I am writing this on Tuesday, I am not sure when it will be posted) but I will continue to update. I want to write most posts. I have to get back to where I was before on this blog.
For now clonazepam is the present and future.
Always Keep Fighting