I am a Klonopin (Clonazepam) Lab Rat

Think about how scientists determine whether medications are safe before they are manufactured. Most of the time they use lab rats, guinea pigs or mice to determine the safety, adverse reactions, side effects and effectiveness of medications.  After giving these poor animals certain doses of medications they study their behaviors to learn how they reacted to certain medications, dosages and treatments over time.

There are many disadvantages to these type of studies, but one of the biggest is that the lab animal is obviously unable to communicate and express in any way shape or form what the medication did to them or how it made them feel. These kind of studies also fall short in the sense that there are no studies on long-term use of a certain medication before it is put out on the market. I realize there is much more involved but in a nut shell that is what happens. An animal did not die so let’s use it on people now. We’re ready. Or are they?

We become the lab rats so to speak. I would like to introduce myself.

I am lab rat Sue#569872577 and I used Klonopin (Clonazepam) for over twenty years.

The bonus and miracle of my particular study is that I am actually a person–a female, age 55 years old, I can communicate, my brain still works and most importantly I am still ALIVE. I lived to tell the tale.

Many others in the same circumstance as me did not survive or are unable to discontinue the use of Benzodiazepines. There are no long-term studies of this particular drug because most people who begin using this medication cannot stop using it once they start it after long-term use of over six months to a year, so they will never know if their symptoms are actually anxiety or withdrawal symptoms that mimic severe and worsening anxiety.

Also, every person that I have come in contact with and/or read about that used Benzodiazepines for over a year and were able to successfully withdraw and stop taking Benzos has said the withdrawals (neurological damage and effects) were the worst hell they ever experienced and also that going off Benzos was the best thing they ever did and they all say, “I wish I NEVER stated taking Benzos.”

Many people who attempt to go off Klonopin, for example, cannot do it. They just can’t. They may get down to 2 mg. but can’t completely break free. They say their anxiety is too bad but it is not the anxiety, it is withdrawals. They will be prescribed a different Benzo but cannot get completely free from Benzodiazepines once they start. That is the dangerous powerful nature of Benzodiazepines.

Benzodiazepines are a silent quiet epidemic that are hiding behind the urgent warnings of Opiates. They need to add Benzodiazepines to this list–NOW!

For anyone using Benzodiazepines for over a year, I would like to ask you if your anxiety has increased after using Benzos. If it has Benzos are obviously not working.

I had severe unbearable incapacitating anxiety my entire life. My psychiatrist put me on Klonopin twenty-five years ago. After I took just one pill that was it. I was hooked and I was ecstatic. The miracle drug. This is the answer to  my prayers. I can live again. Life is good. This is what I needed. It helped me relax and took away the pain and discomfort of anxiety from my being for the first time since I could remember. I was euphoric.

Klonopin creates a gentle euphoria. It has a seductive nature–very similar to the forceful effects drugs like methamphetamines have. You want that feeling to be replicated over and over. You need to feel free from anxiety and feel that unexplainable magic that Klonopin makes you feel–the beauty and power of being anxiety free even momentarily is amazing.

“Dr. Mxxxler. You are a genius. I love you.” That is what I told my p-doc at my next appointment after taking my first Klonopin. Nothing, I mean nothing would get in the way of me and my Klonopin. I loved my Klonopin. The doctors changed every medication over time but not my Klonopin. No one better say any thing negative about my Klonopin. No. I WAS HOOKED and I was the biggest fan of Clonazepam–Klonopin.

I had never had a suicidal thought until I began taking Klonopin. I even lived in the Salvation Army and had to recover from a severe broken ankle with a seven-year old daughter. We lived there for three months while I was homeless and healing  from my severe break and surgery but at the time I was not on Klonopn and I never had a suicidal thought.

After I stopped taking Klonopin, I never again had a severe suicidal thought and now I have NONE!!! My anxiety is very manageable (medication free) now that I am off Klonopin.

When I had my almost lethal suicide attempt a year ago, I was only taking Klonopin–nothing else at the time. I went into an elated mania/euphoria and was in a psychotic state at the time of my suicide attempt caused from Klonopin.

How can severe anxiety and severe non-stop suicidal thoughts just stop after quitting Klonopin when nothing else was different in my life except the discontinuation of Klonopin. That was the only change–nothing else. After I stopped taking Klonopin my recovery and mental wellness began plain and simply. There can only be two conclusions, Klonopin was the cause of my problems or I was healed by God. One or both are the only explanations.

What happens after Klonopin use:

  1. Brain slows down causing you to feel calm.
  2. Feel euphoric/ecstatic
  3. Feel like it is a life saving drug.
  4. Your brain and body soon adjust to the dosage.
  5. Your body craves more–it must have more just to maintain, function and be anxiety free.
  6. After the effects from Klonopin wear off, anxiety like symptoms increase–feels even worse than before so you think your mental illness is worse but instead it is addiction–you are going through withdrawals.
  7. Your body craves more Benzos. You must have more or your anxiety like symptoms will increase. You panic as your body has entered into withdrawals until you get that Klonopin (Benzo).
  8. After you take the Klonopin, you think Klonopin helped your anxiety but instead it stopped your withdrawal symptoms.
  9. Your body maintains the Klonopin level for a while, but soon it requires more to be effective.
  10. Your P-doc increases your dose or you take a couple extra Benzos to tide you over
  11. You get used to the higher dose
  12. This cycle continues until you are taking over 5-7 mg. or more of Klonopin a day.
  13. Benzodiazepines are no longer working to improve anxiety. You are now taking Benzos to stop you from becoming dope sick or Benzo sick (feels like severe anxiety and worse).

These were my experiences. Everyone is different, but my experiences are very similar to MANY people I have met, read about or listened to on You Tube videos and other videos as well.

If you are new to taking Clonazepam/Klonopin ot other Benzos, at first you will love it but one day the effects will wear off and the medication will not work anymore and then your symptoms will be worse than they were before you began taking Klonopin. I mostly speak about Klonopin because that is what I used and have lived experience with and what I have been diligently researching about. It is one of my new passions to help others so they will NEVER go through what I did. I lost years of my life because of the Benzodiazepine Klonopin (Clonazepam).

This is my story. I am not a doctor. I only write this from my lived experience and never want others to experience the losses I did because my unknown and undiagnosed addiction to Klonopin for over twenty years. I was a drug addict and didn’t know it. There are no recovery groups for Klonopin or Benzodiazepine addicts in my area. It is something I want to work on (along with my many other goals). I want to talk to other people who had similar experiences with Klonopin and/or other Benzos, like me.

If you used Klonopin or other Benzodiazepines and/or had Klonopin withdrawal syndrome please share your story with me if you would like. I would absolutely love to hear from you.

My blog is My Loud Whispers of Hope (changed from My Loud Bipolar Whispers).

I hope I helped and I hope my words did not upset too many people as that is not my intent.

“I must SHARE because I CARE!”


The Trouble with Benzos

The benefits of benzos have been oversold. For decades, they’ve been prescribed for anxiety and sleep, but the evidence indicates that they don’t work very well, and they are not intended for long-term use. Studies have shown that over the long-term, benzos can actually increase anxiety symptoms. In many cases, it is possible to effectively treat both anxiety and sleep disorders without medicines or, at the very least, with medicines other than benzodiazepines.

In addition, tolerance and dependence can develop quickly. There have been reports of people who received high doses of benzodiazepines becoming physically dependent in as little as two days. Without medical supervision, withdrawal symptoms after stopping benzos can be severe, ranging from extremely intensified anxiety to high blood pressure, shaking, seizures, and convulsions.

The higher the dose and longer the use, the greater the likelihood of addiction. People who misuse benzos tend to be taking higher-than-prescribed doses or mixing the pills with alcohol or other drugs. In some cases, they crush or chew them, which interferes with the timed-release formula and speeds up the effects. This misuse is, of course, extremely dangerous.


Psychology Today © 2019 Sussex Publishers, LLC


“… benzodiazepine abuse is tied with opioid misuse. These are drug problems which run hand-in-hand, so shouldn’t we treat them both equally?

Addiction is addiction. Anyone who suffers from a drug habit deserves equal attention in our efforts to help them. Saying that one type of addiction is worse than the rest and therefore deserves more of our focus is akin to saying a kind of cancer is worse than the rest and that we should prioritize treatment for patients with that type of cancer. We would never do this with cancer patients, so why do it with addicts? Let’s treat all addicts with equal efforts and attention, and let’s tackle the entire addiction epidemic — not just parts of it.”


Copyright © 2019 | myloudwhispersofhope.com | All Rights Reserved

26 Replies to “I am a Klonopin (Clonazepam) Lab Rat”

    1. Buwhahaha…. that is funny. You used my lab rat name and number. Too funny. I love it. Thanks for making me laugh Chelsea. Also your kind words made me happy. I am thrilled you liked this. I was kind of nervous to write this so directly etc. It is a sensitive topic and I understand why. I hope you are doing well. Much love and hugs, Sue


      1. I’m glad you wrote it. I’ve never been on Benzos. Sharing the truth, to help people, is more important than hiding effects of medications.


      2. Thank you Chelsea. You are lucky you have never been on Benzos. That is exactly what I am doing–sharing the truth. The truth must be told and I can only pray people start listening to the facts and truths.


  1. Thank you for sharing your experience and for changing the name of the blog. I believe that’s is intentional and authentic. It clearly shows your purpose, which is to give hope to others. You’re an instrument of hope. Stay strong, healthy, and inspired.

    Have a great day. Keep doing the good work.




  2. While there might be some placebo effect with you in terms of quitting the Klonopin (absence of any suicidal thought. There could be other variables or simply you’re thrilled to be klonopin and might be in a manic state without knowing it), I agree with you in terms of unneccessary risk and health complications. I just got out of the hospital yesterday for what appeared to be a bunch of random symptoms, but I knew it was because I ran out of kpins a few days ago.

    Why is it only that psychiatric medications have the worst side effects (not talking about SSRI’s) and withdrawal symptoms in the world? If they made one antipsychotic with just 40% less of the usually dibilitating side effects, everyone would stick to their medication!


    1. I am not in a manic state at all. I see a psychiatrist and am symptom free at this moment going on over a year now. I am not overly happy or anything. Nothing. Since I dont have symptoms right now and haven’t since I recovered from withdrawals, my p-doc told me it was a misdiagnosis and I don’t have bipolar disorder and it has been taken off my list of labels. I have PTSD and BPD but was misdiagnosed for years. At first I had post partum depression (for sure) and antidepressants caused manic like symtoms which caused my bipolar diagnosis. At first this was hard to accept but now I do welcome it. I promise I am not manic as I lived with this all my life. Medications caused manic like symptoms and that was I was misdiagnosesd or healed from God. It is a mystery I will accept. My P-doc can’t explain it either as all this is new. There is so much they do not understand in th efield of psychiatry. I lived this for a long time so maybe the brain can transform over time and we can learn better coping skills. Who knows. I am hugely blessed. I pray you will be well. Thank you for reading and for your great feedback. I appreciate it and you. The side efffects of meds become an ilness all their own. It is awful.


  3. Gosh, this really hit me. I get the worst damn headaches every day and I’m certain it’s because I haven’t taken my klonopin yet. I am
    Also reading the chapter in my psychotropic pharmacology book on co-dependency. I’ve been on klonopin over a year and we just keep increasing the dose. I also keep begging to be back on lorazepam because it actually chills me out. Maybe I will go ahead with my PhD….we will
    See. I’m starting to feel like I can’t help people unless I go all the way.


    1. Thank you for reading and for your great feedback. All benzos are dangerous. I hope one day you can get off of them. Meanwhile just keep fighting and doing your best and keep studying. That’s awesome. You have to help yourself first of course and then you can help others for sure. Much love and hugs, Sue


    2. After you take your Klonopin does your headache get better or at least lessen? Headaches are a symtom of Klonopin withdrawal. If you can try to stop taking all Benzodiazepines. Newly schooled/graduated psychiatrists are not prescribing Benzos anymore. They are being taught the dangers of this drug and refuse to prescribe it anymore and take all of their new patinets off of them. There mus tbe some vailidity to this.


      1. Yes it does. I’m trying something to help get through the headaches and off. After reading this yesterday and my psychopharmacology book I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wrote a 9 page paper with a headache today. Finally laid down a bit and still have same headache. I know how to fix it. But I’m going to see how long I can survive without. Ugh!


      2. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is horrific. It really is. It is an addiction like other addcitions It is a difficult process and people addicted to other substances go to detox etc. It is harder but after each moment you made it benzo free is one step closer to the time you will be benzo/klonopin withdrawl symotom free. For me I never wanted to take one becasue I remembered each day and each moment I had all ready made it through and I didnt want to take a step back and have to start the agonzing process all over again. Try meditation/relaxation techniques. Yikes it is hard. I will keep you in my prayers. You can do it. It is worth every second of the painful withdrwawls to become Klonopin/benzo free. Everything will become easier. Much love and hugs, Sue


      3. You know the worst part is I am on klonopin because of anxiety and panic attacks from being attacked and raped….but I’m also in school working on my Masters of Arts in Counseling for the same reason. It will all work out! Thank you !


      4. I am so sorry that happened to you. I wish you the best. You are a strong survivor. Keep doing what you are doing. You are rightr. You will make it and you will shine. Much love, hugs and prayers, Sue


  4. Oh my goodness. This is THE post that I’ve been searching for! Klonopin “saved” my life when I first had my depressive episode last summer. Thankfully, I now only take it when I go on long flights or when I get a bad panic attack which are super rare.. i just have some sitting in my room in case of an “emergency”.

    My psychiatrist tells me not to be afraid taking klonopin when I need it but I am deathly afraid I may get addicted. The sedating euphoria is SO real and its just crazy.

    The way you described it as a life changing drug? Yes. YES. As a christian, I jokingly say it’s the second best thing that happened to me after meeting Jesus 😂

    But in all seriousness, I can 100% testify that all that you listed above ^ I can relate and I was barely on it for few months. I’d love to chat more with you about your experience on Klonopin and share more about mine because as a soon to be social worker trying to study substance abuse, I agree. The benzo episemic is so real.


    1. …and you can become addicted very easity after two-four weeks and even some after a couple of days. The high is beautful–it is subtle but wonderful… and DANGEROUS. Thank you so much for your great feedback. I would love to chat with you about it as well. I am very interesting in hearing other people’s stories. You can use this email if you want. I don’t check my other one enough suevwalz@hotmail.com


  5. Such a powerful and post and very worrying. Thank you so much. There have been times that I would have been happy to take just about any pills any Doctor ever offered me (!) to save from feeling the way I did but something always stopped me. This explains what that something was. I’m so glad you managed to kick these things.


    1. You were so smart to listen to your instincts and that “something” that told you not to in your heart and spirit. I am happy for you. We need more people to do the same. I hope in the future people can and will take less meds. I know I wish I NEVER took them. I am so blessed to be alive first of all and secondly to have survived my Klonopin withdrawal the it happened. It feels amazing to be med. free. Thank you for reading and for your encouraging feedback i apprecite it grealty. Much love and hugs, Sue


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