A Birthday Reflection

Yesterday I turned 26 years old. I had an absolutely wonderful day spent with my family and my boyfriend. There was nothing lavish or anything but it was time well spent and I felt appreciated by everyone.

One of my love languages is quality time so getting to spend time with the people I’m closest with was awesome.

It is amazing how a few years can change your perspective about life.

I remember when I turned 24 I reflected upon how I was celebrating my birthday while I struggled each day to live. This happened towards the end of my 7-month severe depressive episode, I had no idea that my suicidal thoughts were going to soon be quiet.

I thought to myself, “This is so odd. How can I celebrate my life when all I want to do is die?”

Soon after April 13, 2017, I found the right antidepressants and was finally able to attend therapy only once a week instead of twice. I got a new job plus a side gig that cut my stress level by over half.

I fell in love when I thought I never would again.

Later that year I got to see the most beautiful sunset ever in Las Vegas and go to the desert in California (two places I had never been before).

Right now my mental health is doing pretty well so in this reflection, I am glad that I didn’t kill myself. I’m glad that there was a light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, I hope that this post gives you perspective. In the moment you think that life will never get better. But it does.

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31 Replies to “A Birthday Reflection”

  1. I used to struggle with depression I literally got through suicidal thoughts by telling myself “this is a moment and moments pass” I think one of the best tools for me was to remind myself that there have been some happy moments no matter how few or small they were, there was always hope there may be more. I look back now and have become so separated from that suicidal girl, I remember thinking it would never get better but looking at life now I am so happy I waited those moment out. It is possible to be happy. It takes time sometimes but it is worth the wait and the battle you will go through with those thoughts.

  2. Happy birthday to you! Your words are a welcome testimony of how things can get better if we just hang in there. I am glad things are going well for you and pray that they continue to do so.

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