so today i have been thinking about talking to my counselor about going on to medical marijuana. i have been thinking about this for awhile and it takes a lot for me to talk about anything that means that i actually need to talk to my med nurse and my counselor. to be perfectly honest i am afraid that they’ll say that it’s a bad idea. i don’t want somdeone to tell me it’s a bad idea again. no matter what i think someone will always tell me that what ever i am doing that i’m wrong. i hate being told that i am wrong. i can’t be told i’m wrong again it makes me feel like everything that i have done is a mistake. although now that i have thought about it ii wouldn’t be here telling you about this if i hadn’t made mistakes.
i love my fiance so much. i couldn’t see life without him even though i have left him twice now. i haven’t been able to stay stable for so long in many years. i can’t stand to think of me leaving him i feel so bad. i think about it and it gets me to thinking that im a bad person. im so scared that he’ll leave me for someone that’s better for him. im just a ball of crazy and that’s part of the reason that i think that marijuana will help. it’s that i thought it would help to keep me balanced or at least thats the thought.
so far i havent been able to get the paparework together. i feel the need to talk to my counselor and to my med nurse abotu it. i feel the need to get their permission for some sort of reason.