Four years ago was when I hit rock bottom. I was sexually assaulted and that experience broke me. I was drinking everyday not wanting to deal with life sober.
I was eating all the junk food I wanted because I didn’t want men to look at me anymore.
I stopped caring about myself and everything around me.
I allowed my depression to consume me.
I was cycling in and out of depressive episodes along with manic episodes.
I stopped taking my meds because they weren’t making me better.
Instead of seeking out help at that time, I turned to alcohol.
I drank to numb the pain and to take my mind off of what I was going through.
I didn’t want to deal with reality or that my life was crumbling around me.
I wanted to forget the pain I was dealing with.
I believed the negative thoughts my depression told me.
I believed I was a burden to others.
I was fighting every single day to survive.
I had lost my will to live and wanted out of the world so bad. I spent days in bed only leaving it to shower and eat. I was a total mess, but I didn’t want to accept that.
I was living in fear and denial. Food and alcohol was my comfort and best friend at the time.
During that low point of my life, I never thought I would feel happiness again or live a life where I was sober and successful. I was fully convinced that I was going to be miserable my entire life.
It wasn’t easy climbing out of that dark pit and getting back into the light again.
It was when I looked at myself in the mirror one day and didn’t recognize the person I was. It was when I got the courage to step on the scale for the first time in over a year when I saw how much weight I gained. It was when I promised myself change needed to happen.
I had no idea how I was going to do it. But something inside of me was saying to just try.
It told me to take baby steps everyday so I could make progress in the right direction.
To slowly climb my way out of that deep dark hole I was living in.
I look back now and while I was miserable then, I’m thankful for going through that.
I’m thankful for hitting rock bottom and going through some traumatic events.
I’m thankful because it made me strong. It challenged me to build up mental toughness.
It broke me, shattered me into a million pieces, leaving me to figure out how I was going to put myself together again.
I prayed and prayed to God to give me the strength and will to push forward.
Everyday got a little easier and I got stronger. It showed me what I’m truly capable of and that with enough will and determination I can get through anything. Sometimes you have to hit that low point in life to climb back to the top.